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A COMPLETE INTERPRETER OP DREAMS— HAVING ALS( 
ATTACHED TO EACH DREAM ITS FORTUNATE NUM- 
BERS; ALSO, FORTUNE TELLING BY THE 
GROUNDS IN A TEA OR COFFEE CUP; 
HOW TO READ YOUR FORTUNE 
BY THE WHITE OF AN EGG. 
HOW TO MAKE YOUR LOVER OR SWEETHEART COME 
THE ACORN CHARM; APPLE-PARING CHARM; TO 
KNOW HOW SOON A PERSON WILL BE MAR- 
RIED; TO KNOW WHAT FORTUNE YOUR 
FUTURE HUSBAND WILL HAVE, 
ETC., ETC., ETC. 



r»Ri<i<:. post-paid, :so cknts. 



ADDEESS, 

ALBEUT COGSWELL, PuUishffl| 

139 EIGHTH STREET, N. Y. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; 



OR, 



How to Behave 

IN SOCIETY. 

A Complete Manual for Laflies and Gentlemen. 



EMBRACING 



Hints on Introduction, Salutation, Conversation, 

Friendly Visits, Social Parties, On the Street, 

In Public Places, In Traveling, Driving and 

Riding, Letter Writing, At the Table, 

Making and Receiving Presents, 

Courtship, "Wedding Etiquette, 

Christening, Funerals, Etc., 

with Suggestions How to 

Dress Tastefully. 

THE TOILETTE, 

With Simple Recipes for Improving the Complexion, etc. 




5.7; 



NEW YORK: 
ALBERT COGSWELL, PUBLISHER. 

139 Eighth Street. *. 




7r 






*:* 



Entered according to act of Congress, In the year 1877, by 

ALBERT COGSWELL, 
in the office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE. 

Introductory 4 

CHAPTER FIRST. 
Introductions 9 

CHAPTER SECOND. 
Salutations 13 

CHAPTER THIRD. 
Conversation , 16 

CHAPTER FOURTH. 
Calls 21 

CHAPTER FIFTH. 
Balls and Dinner Parties 26 

CHAPTER SIXTH. 
Etiquette of the Street 32 

CHAPTER SEVENTH. 
Etiquette of Traveling, etc 35 

CHAPTER EIGHTH. 
Etiquette in Public Places 41 

CHAPTER NINTH. 
Etiquette of Letter Writing 45 

CHAPTER TENTH. 
Etiquette in Courtship. . ." 49 

CHAPTER ELEVENTH. 
Etiquette of the Table 55 

CHAPTER TWELFTH. 
Making and Receiving Presents * . 57 

CHAPTER THIRTEENTH. 
Etiquette of the Card Table 64 

CHAPTER FOURTEENTH. 
Wedding Ceremon les 66 

CHAPTER FIFTEENTH. 
Births and Deaths 69 

CHAPTER SIXTEENTH. * 
Dress 70 

Toilet Recipes 74 

Washington's Maxims 91 

Anniversary Weddings 96 

Lord Chesterfield's Maxims 100 

Index 117 



OUR INTRODUCTION TO THE PUBLIC. 



Civility and good breeding are necessary to success in life. Po- 
liteness never costs anything, and as nothing is ever lost by it, is 
it not well to cultivate it ? It is safe to say, that the person pos- 
sessing those virtues, are not only welcome in all society, but they 
can rest assured that life with them will not be a failure. 

Good breeding, like charity, not only covers a multitude of 
faults, but to a certain degree supplies the want of some virtues. 
In every-day life it acts good nature, and often does what good 
nature will not always do : it keeps both wits and fools within the 
bounds of decency, which the former are too apt to transgress, and 
which the latter never know. 

Good breeding implies politeness ; but the latter does not imply 
the former, as good breeding has its weight and value, which po- 
liteness adorns and doubles by its workmanship. 

Unfortunately, good breeding has not reached what may be 
called perfection yet ; but where the real gentleman or lady are 
met with, those two requisites of every-day life will be found as 
natural as water springing from a well. 

We may he asked to define the words, gentleman and lady, and 
will now proceed to do so according to our way of thinking. 






INTRODUCTION. ° 

A gentleman is that which every man desires to be, which most 
men think they are, and which few know how to describe. One 
will say, "Much depends on dress." Another will say, " It must 
be born in him ; that is, blood will tell ;" and the clown in Hamlet 
will say " that Adam was the first gentleman who ever bore arms." 

Now, if the gentleman has existed since the creation of the 
world, then the idea that to be such depends entirely on dress and 
manner, is overthrown, and the "gentleman" is as fixed and un- 
changing as the earth, though under different fashions he may 
wear as different an aspect as she does under different seasons. 
But the true gentleman, if he be judged by his courage and cour- 
tesy, which qualities are essentially his, will be ever distinguished 
from the vulgar, and remain the same in every age, however dif- 
ferently the accidents around may affect his outward behavior. 

Tennyson has beautifully compared the manners of a gentle- 
man to " the flower, the native growth of noble mind." Flowers, 
we know, may of ten be transplanted; but exotics never flourish 
like the native plants. Unless a man owns the virtues of a gentle- 
man, he never will become one. 

The churl in spirit, how'er he veil 

His want in forms for fashion's sake, 

Will let his coltish nature break 
At seasons through the gilded Dale. 

Barrow, in speaking of a gentleman's duty, gives a long de- 
scription of what such a one ought to be ; and there is something 
very beautiful in the quaint way in which he holds up men of 
ages long gone by as examples to be followed by those to whom 
he addresses himself. After speaking of the gentleman's business 
in relieving and succoring the afflicted, of advising the ignorant, 
and of reclaiming the wicked, he goes on to say : "It is his busi- 
ness to be hospitable and kind, and helpful to strangers ; following 
those noble gentlemen, Abraham and Lot, who were so ready to in- 
vite and entertain strangers with bountiful courtesy. It is his busi- 
ness to maintain peace, and appease dissensions among his neigh- 



6 INTRODUCTION. 

bors; interposing his counsel and authority in order thereto; whereto 
he had that brave gentleman Moses recommended for his pattern. It 
is his business to promote the welfare and prosperity of his coun- 
try with his best endeavors and by Ins interests ; in which practice 
the sacred history doth propound divers gallant gentlemen , Joseph, 
Moses, Samuel, Nehemiah, Daniel, and Mordecai. " That Barrow 
is justified in naming these as gentlemen none will deny. 
Chaucer, in describing his* knight, the gentleman of his day, 

writes: 

" He loved chivalry, 
Truth and honor, freedom and courtesy." 

And the greatest poet of all, Shakespeare, has shown that he 
well understood what a gentleman should be. Where shall we 
find a truer one than Bassanio, who "to a fault would not add a 
lie," even to excuse himself to Portia. We love to think of him 
as a real man, not dwelling only in the land of fiction, but as one 
with whom we should like to shake hands and claim as a friend. 
In the "Two Gentlemen of Verona,*' we find such another — we 
mean Valentine, for Proteus falls short of meriting such a name. 
Valentine speaks modestly of himself, and is no doubt blinded by 
his affection for his unworthy friend, when he describes him to 
the Duke as one 



" Who is complete in feature and in mind, 
And all good grace to grace a gentleman." 



to 



The age of Elizabeth was the age of fine gentlemen. The Queen 
delighted in seeing herself surrounded with men whose high breed- 
ing gave them as much superiority over their inferiors in station as 
their mental eultivation and ready wit did over their inferiors in 
intellect. 

The conclusion, then, is this, that a fine dress, according to the 
fashion of his age, will do no more towards making a man a gen- 
tleman, than a coating of black paint would make him a negro. 
The qualities of a gentleman are always the same, and however 



INTRODUCTION. 7 

fashion may change, it will no more influence his virtues than the 
hands of a compass the pivot on which they turn. The following 
description is, I think, just: 

" Adversity has never cast him down, 
Prosperity has never puffed him up ; 
To all at all times a most constant friend, 
And ever willing, or to give or lend ; 
Too proud to stoop to falsehood's groveling ways 
Too wise to love aught other than the truth ; 
Too good to sneer at the caprice of age ; 
Too kind to scorn the fond conceits of youth ; 
A helping hand for those who once have erred ; 
A soft, persuasive, or a cheering word, 
A kind compassion for the poor distressed, 
Showing that in them he takes interest ; 
A proper pride, an honest sense of merit, 
A truthful dignity, a Christian spirit ; 
These noble qualities have made a man 
An honorable, upright gentleman." 

The ladies, God bless them ! What can we say in regard to 
what constitutes a lady ? Knowing the sensitive feelings of ladies, 
we approach this subject with a feeling of delicacy ; but the advice 
we offer will be of advantage to young and old, if followed. 

First. Her honor is above all worldly possessions. 

Second. A still mouth will show a wise head. 

Third. She should not be prone to scandal. 

Fourth. If she remembers what she hears about a neighbor, she 
should never repeat it. 

Fifth. Her hands should be always ready to help the poor. 

Sixth. Her heart should be open to pity and forgiveness. 

She should never hold in contempt an erring sister, but, instead, 
with words of wisdom and consolation, try to reclaim her. 

And, in conclusion, the female who loves her husband truly and 
tenderly, and can offer up a prayer like the following, is, in my 
opinion, a lady : 

"Lord bless and preserve that dear person whom Thou hast 
chosen to be my husband ; let his life be long and blessed, com- 



8 INTRODUCTION. 

fort able and holy ; and let me also become a great blessing and a 
comfort unto him, a sharer in all his sorrows, a meet help in all the 
accidents and changes of the world ; make me amiable forever in 
his eyes and forever dear to him. Unite his heart to me in the 
dearest love and holiness, and mine to him in all its sweetness, 
charity and complacency. Keep me from all ungentleness, all dis- 
contenteduess and unreasonableness of passion and humor, and 
make me humble and obedient, useful and observant, that we may 
delight in each other according to Thy blessed word, and both of 
us may rejoice in Thee, having for our portion the love and service 
of God forever." 

Although good breeding cannOt be strictly called a virtue, yet it 
is productive of so many good effects, that it can be justly counted 
on as more than a mere accomplishment ; and, believing thus, we 
prepare this little book for the guidance of those not acquainted 
with the rules of etiquette. 



CHAPTER FIRST. 

ON INTRODUCTIONS. 

Friendships are as natural as our birthright ; we acquire them 
through a variety of forms, some from accident and some from in- 
troduction ; and I have known of friendships akin to Damon and 
Pythias that were the result of accident ; but as ninety-nine ac- 
quaintances out of a hundred are made by formal introductions, 
we will deal with this subject first. 

How it Should be Done. 

In introducing two persons, the mutual friend should be very 
careful, and, in fact, should know that such introduction will be 
agreeable to both parties ; and the better way would be to inquire 
of each, out of hearing of the other, if there is anything in the 
way to prevent such introduction. When this is done, the intro- 
ducer need not have any fear of after ill-feeling towards him ; such 
as : " If it had not been for so and so, I should never have known 
that man," and such like expressions, which are likely to occur if 
mistakes are made. 

In introducing a gentleman to a lady, it is very essential that the 
lady's consent should first be gained ; unless both are very intimate 
friends of yours, and entire straugers to each other. Then, if 
willing to take the responsibility, you can judge for yourself 
whether that course will be proper or not. 

If invited to spend the evening with a friend, it is the bounden 

duty of that friend to introduce you to all of his or her guests ; but 

supposing everybody there has come by invitation of your host or 

1* 



10 PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OH, HOW TO BEHAYE. 

hostess, it will not be out of place to introduce yourself by hav- 
ing a general conversation, or by introducing one to the other ; for 
it must be taken for granted that persons unfit to know would not 
be invited. 

In making the introduction, it is always better to introduce the 
younger to the older, the gentleman to the lady, and the inferior in 
station to the more intelligent ; in this wise : "Mrs. Jones, allow 
me to introduce to you my friend, Miss Smith ;" " Mrs. Miller, al- 
low me the pleasure of introducing to you my friend, Mr. Miles." 
It is not necessary that the language quoted should be used ; com- 
mon sense will find words sufficient for every purpose ; but it is 
very important that the names should be pronounced distinctly, so 
as no mistake will occur afterwards, as it is very annoying, in con- 
versation, in speaking of a gentleman present, to call him by a 
wrong name and have to be publicly corrected. 

When there are a dozen or more waiting for an introduction to 
one individual, name the latter first, and then in succession name 
the others, bowing as each name is called. 

It is unnecessary to introduce persons who meet by chance" in 
your house before noon ; but if an introduction is given, it does 
not compel those parties to renew the acquaintanceship. 

If a person has just returned from foreign travel, it is custom- 
ary to announce that fact by saying : "Mrs. King, allow me to in- 
troduce to you my friend, Mr. James, who has recently returned 
from traveling abroad." This, in itself, is a good subject for con- 
versation, and if the parties are in a conversational mood, they will 
be pleased with each other before they separate. 

How to Introduce Relatives. 

Be vi iy careful in introducing a member of your own family to 
state his or her full name, thus: " Mrs. Reynolds, allow me the 
pleasure of presenting to you my sister, Miss Mary Cary," or Mrs. 
Johnston, as the case may be; and avoid saying, "My brother 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 11 

Bill," or "My sister Mary,*' as by so doing the stranger is still 
in the dark and don't know whether your relative is married or 
single. 

How to Introduce Persons of Distinction. 

Give everybody their title, because they are entitled to it, thus : 
If a Congressman, place the prefix Honorable before his name. 
If a Governor, name the State from which he came. And if a 
man of letters or art, let everybody know it ; "for a little flat- 
tery now and then, is relished by the best of men." And in 
introducing a man of brain work, do so in this way: "Mr. 
White, author of 'The Man About Town;'" or, "Mr. Brush, 
whose pictures we have seen in the art gallery." All this will 
have the proper effect and will be appreciated. 

Where Introductions Cannot well be Avoided. 

If you have a friend from a neighboring city, or from the 
country on a visit at your house", it is compulsory on your part to 
introduce your friend to all callers, and the latter, thus introduced, 
must pay the same attention to the stranger that the host or 
hostess would pay. 

When persons are once introduced, it is customary for them to 
recognize each other by a bow wherever they meet ; and none but 
ill-bred persons will do otherwise. 

In meeting a lady on the street, it is proper that she should re- 
cognize the gentleman first ; and unless the lady is an intimate 
acquaintance, the gentleman should never salute first. 

A gentleman should always raise his hat to a lady, and not 
merely touch it, as is usually the case. 

After an Introduction. 

Upon being introduced, a slight bow is all that is required ; but 
among older people, a shake of the hand is customary, and as this 
custom shows good will, it ought to be kept up ; but married ladies 



12 perfect etiquette; or, how to behave. 

ought to be very careful about shaking hands promiscuously, 
as it leads to scandal. 

When in the Street. 

On your meeting a friend while walking in the street with 
another, it is not compulsory on you to introduce the strangers ; 
although, when the parting is effected, it is politeness itself for 
your friend to raise his hat as you do ; and especially if a lady is 
the party met. Do not shout a person's name out in public when 
giving an introduction, as it may be very disagreeable to him. 

When you wish to slight a person whose bad conduct causes you 
to disrespect him, do it with neatness ; but it is best to be always 
polite, as it costs nothing, and may cut the party worse than if you 
would appear vulgar. 

When Traveling. 

Elderly people need not wait for an introduction when travel- 
ing, but may commence a conversation if they see fit ; but when 
they see any disrespect shown, they should show their disgust by 
ending the conversation ; and in this connection it may be said, 
that unmarried ladies should never get acquainted with strangers 
while traveling. 

Introduction by Note. 

The greatest care should be used in introducing people in this 
way ; for if you are not thoroughly acquainted with both parties, 
and confident that such introduction will be agreeable to the par- 
ties chiefly interested, trouble may ensue, which will make you 
blame yourself, and perhaps refuse parties who are really worthy 
of such a favor. It must always be remembered, that the per- 
son to whom such a note is directed to, is very often placed in an 
awkward position by said note, and all such cireumstances ought 
to be taken into consideration before subscribing your name to 
a well meaning act of friendship. Whin a note of this description 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 13 

is given to a gentleman introducing him to a lady, it would bo 
better to leave it, enclosed in another giving the address of the 
gentleman, and then the lady, if suiting her, ought to send him 
word what time it will be most convenient to her for him to call. 
If a call is made, an invitation to dinner ought to be tendered be- 
fore his departure. 



CHAPTER SECOND. 

THE SALUTE OF ANCIENT AND MODERN TIMES. 

As if to prove what we stated in introducing ourselves, in re- 
gard to the length of time gentlemen have been gentlemen, we will 
now say, that in ancient times, the poorer a person was, the more 
politeness he had ; for the wealthy never condescended to even 
bow to a poor man, although the latter never forgot his good 
breeding when approaching the rich man. So, after all, politeness, 
like gentility, dates away back to the early ages ; and even Adam, 
the first gentleman, was polite enough to tender his hand to Eve 
when leading her out of Paradise. 

When the Oriental pays a visit, he leaves his shoes on the 
threshhold — a custom which ought to be copied here, especially in 
muddy weather ; and where is the housewife that would not be 
glad if such an idea was to take hold of the people, if even for 
one day — New Year's — when their carpets are soiled and destroyed 
by muddy boots. We take off our hats on entering the house of 
a friend ; the ancients did the same as a sign of respect. When a 
friend passes our house, we salute him with the hand drawn from 
the face ; the Romans did the same in adoring their gods. When 
men take the glove off the right hand, it is similar to the ancient 
knight removing his gauntlet ; and, in fact, everything that we 



14 PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 

do to-day, in the way of politeness, has been done over and over 
again for centuries past. 

THE DIFFERENT STYLES OF DAILY FRIENDSHIP. 

While the English-speaking people bow, kiss, and shake the 
hand in meeting one another, the African rubs toes ; and while the 
Turk bends his head very low, with folded arms upon his breast, 
the Laplanders rub their noses together — from which we get the 
old saying, " Let us rub noses." The Spaniard is hypocritical, for 
with poniard or stiletto in hand, he will religiously say : " God be 
with you;" while the " Heathen Chinee " is the most sensible of 
all, for his first question is : " Have you eaten?" The German 
wants to know : " How goes it with you ? " and the Egyptian in- 
quires after your perspiration. The Frenchman, always polite, 
is anxious about "how you carry yourself," and the Arab tries 
your nerves by riding at full speed, and w T hen near you, fires a pis- 
tol over your head as a mark of respect ; and each one thinks that 
his way of meeting a friend is the only proper way. 

Our Bow. 

When we meet in public, and oftentimes in private, we incline 
the body and raise the hat altogether from the head, unless bald- 
headed, for which there is au excuse, and ladies bow gracefully ? 
with a genteel courtesy. 

An elderly lady deserves the same respect from a young lady as 
is shown to a lady by a gentleman. If your grievance be not too 
great, never forget yourself in not bowing to a person with whom 
you have had a slight trouble ; for many times politeness will do 
more good than even the law can do. 

When an inferior salutes you, do likewise, remembering the 
answer of Henry Clay when asked why he returned the snlute 
of negroes: "I never allow a negro to outdo me in polite- 
ness, sir." 






PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 15 

Never say, " How d'ye do ? " for the effort in getting the nasal 
twang to a proper pitch will, in time, injure the organ of smell. 
" Good morning" and " Good evening" are good enough for any- 
body, if said without affectation and said in sincerity; and if a 
shake of the hand goes with it, all the better, for that means real 
friendship. 

The Unity of Hands. 

A gentleman will never pinch a lady's hand, or even take it, un- 
less offered ; and even then the lady does not shake the gentle- 
man's hand unless he is an old friend. Both sexes should always 
rise when a strange hand is extended. There is no time in a ball 
room for hand-shaking ; a simple bow is sufficient. A married 
lady should offer her hand when introduced, and give the whole 
hancl, instead of one or three fingers, as is sometimes done ; and if 
the gentleman is anyways rough with your hand, excuse yourself 
the next time his hand is offered. 

The glove of the right hand should be removed, and the left hand 
should never be given unless the other is afflicted in some way, for 
which an excuse should be made. 

Kissing*. 

There are different kinds of kisses, but there is more in a kiss 
than may be imagined ; as the kiss of respect is on the hand, and 
the kiss of the lovers is — where, it is not necessary to state. The kiss 
of the parents or children is anywhere on the face, as is also the 
kiss of pure friendship. It is not very nice to see ladies kiss in 
public places ; for although they may be sincere in their affections 
for each other, that affection ought not to be paraded to public view. 



CHAPTER THIRD. 

CONVERSATION. 

A good listener is hard to find ; and yet if people did only know 
that such a curiosity is welcome everywhere, they would be more 
of them. A lady in company may promote any subject by a pro- 
found attention, which shows she is pleased with it, and by a cheer- 
ful countenance, which proves she understands it. A polite man, 
however deeply interested in the subject on which he is convers- 
ing, catches at the slightest hint to have done. That silence is one 
of the greatest arts of conversation is allowed by Cicero himself ; 
and this opinion is confirmed by Lord Bacon, in the following 
anecdote told by him : ' ' When the Grecian philosophers had a 
solemn meeting before the ambassador of a foreign prince, each 
endeavored to show his parts by his brilliant conversation, so that 
the ambassador might have something to relate of the Grecian wis- 
dom. But there was one among those wise men who kept a still 
tongue ; and the ambassador, turning to him, asked : ' But what 
have you to saj' that I may report it ? ' He made this laconic but 
pointed reply: ' Tell your king that you have found one among 
the Gre >ks who knew how to bo silent.' " Thus it has been, and 
thus it will ever be. 

Speaking Our Mind. 

This is a common mistake among many people who consider 
that they arc well bred ; but is it a sign of good breeding to inflict 
aii injury or wound the feelings of any person present ? A' man of 
Sense and breeding will sometimes join in the laugh raised at his 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 17 

expense by some ill-natured remark ; but if it is very cutting, and 
one of those shocking sorts of truths, which, as they can scarcely 
be pardoned even in private, ought never be uttered in public. He 
does not laugh because he is pleased, but because he wishes to con- 
ceal how much he is hurt. As the insult was uttered by a lady, 
so far from seeming to resent it, he will be the first to commend 
it ; but nevertheless he will remember it as a trait of malice. 

When the arrow is lodged in the heart, it is no relief to him 
who is wounded to reflect that the hand which shot it was a fair one. 

It would' be well for ladies to bear the last sentence in mind, as 
they may profit from it. 

Private Matters. 

Matters of a private nature should never be spoken of in public, 
because, in the first place, a person of refinement detests being an 
unwilling listener to the secrets of a family, for as a rule they take 
no interest in them ; having their own little troubles of the same 
kind, perhaps, w 7 hich they wisely keep to themselves. And, in the 
second place, you can rest assured, that if they want to learn any- 
thing about your history or troubles, they will find it out soon 
enough without you telling them. 

Displaying Superior Talents. 

OS all the qualifications for conversation, humility, if not the 
most brilliant, is the safest. The idea of introducing subjects that 
others know not of, and of displaying talents superior to the rest 
of the company, is as dangerous as it is foolish. 

Affectation. 

Avoid affectation — call everything by its proper name ; for if 
you call a "bull" a gentleman cow, or call a "leg" a limb, your 
great modesty will not prevent the same meaning to remain ; and 
always remember, the mind is the index of the man or woman. 
You can do wrong in a church while praying. The wrong is 
never in the use of proper words or names. You may call on 



18 PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 

the Divinity and think wrong at the same moment. Good and 
bad intent is in the mind, and not on the tongue. 

Avoid all language that has a double meaning ; and where such 
is uttered in your hearing, pay no attention to it, but appear as if 
you had not heard it. 

Speak plain English, but not high-flown ; use the most simple 
words in your conversation. Words of one syllable convey far 
more and are more easily understood than words of six or seven 
syllables. Refrain from slang, profanity and common exclama- 
tions, and above all, do not borrow words from foreign languages. 
There are enough in your own to express anything you have to say- 
Seek and you shall find them. 

Never pretend to be any more than what you really are, and if 
poor, do not be ashamed of it ; for remember — 

" Crumpled shirt and dirty jacket 
May beclothe the golden ore 
Of the deepest thought and feeling- 
Satin vests could do no more." 

Avoid undue familiarity in speaking, and wait until a person has 

ceased speaking before you commence. 

Wit. 

Like learning, wit is not near so common a thing as imagined. 
Let not, therefore, a young lady be alarmed at her own wit, any 
more than at the abundance of her own knowledge ; she must 
not think that to be indiscreet, pert, or imprudent, is a part of wit. 
This is often the case, and this makes the name of wit so cheap, 
while its real existence is so rare. 

What Should Not be Said. 

Decline all arguments on religious or political subjects, for such 
conversation generally leads to ill-feeling, and in the end, both par- 
tics will be sorry for it. Give everybody the miit to their opinion, 
and never cum ct any inaccuracies of speech in others. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 19 

Be Compassionate. 

To exult over the miseries of an unhappy creature, is inhuman, 
and not to have compassion for them, is unchristian. Ladies are 
seldom apt to discover much tenderness for the errors of a fallen 
sister ; but the worthy part of the sex always express themselves 
humanely on the failings of others in proportion to their own 
goodness. 

As said in our introduction, avoid scandal as you would any evil 
to be dreaded, and, instead of assisting in backbiting, defend the 
object of attack. It is the most Christian spirit ; and remember, 
if you assist in such ill-bred conversation, that your turn will come 
soon ; but if you avoid it altogether, or act as counsel for the de- 
fence in the absence of the victim, the School of Scandal will be 
apt to keep its tongue away from you. 

Finding Fault, 

To find fault with every little thing you see or hear is another 

bad habit that ought to be blotted out of well-bred memory, and 

before you ever let the tongue slip in that direction, think of Burns : 

M Wa'd but some power the giftie gi'e us 
To see*oursil's as ithers see us." 

To be absent-minded is about as bad as whispering in company ; 
for what is so horrid as, when addressing a person, to see them as 
if in a brown study, looking on vacancy, and when asked, " What 
is the matter? " their answer will be, "I hear you," when the fact 
is, they have not paid any attention to what you have been saying. 
Then as to whispering. It is hard to say which is the most un- 
mannerly ; but well-bred persons will never act in such a way. 

Questions That Should Not be Asked. 

Never ask questions about the private affairs of others, and 
never seek by questioning to find out a secret or get into the confi- 
dence of a friend. In fact, anything of a private nature should 
never be inquired into. 



20 perfect etiquette; or, how to behave. 

The Voluntary Adviser. 

This individual never gets any thanks, and in giving him or her 
our advice, we will say : " Don't do it ; " but, on the contrary, 
when asked for that cheap article, be very cautious, and you will 
find that a very little will go a long way. 

Pleasant Topics. 

Always in conversation, try to suit the tastes of the person whom 
you are addressing, and if a young lady, compliment her by con- 
sidering that her knowledge of the subject is as good as your own. 
Try it. But it is all nonsense to suppose that small talk, as it is 
called, is the only topic upon which ladies w T ish to converse ; for 
the real facts are, that a lady not only despises it, but gives you 
credit for not being able to converse on some more intellectual 
subject. There is nothing that will so please a mother as a favor- 
able mention of her children ; and to a person of clear perception, 
it will be an easy task to find a subject suitable to your listener. 

Specialties. 

There are men. aye, and women, too, who have some one par- 
ticular subject on which they can launch farth, and talk without 
end ; but to such w r e would say that variety is the spice of life ; 
and would advise a cultivation of other subjects, for at times a 
change of subjects is very healthy ; and he or she that is able to 
converse on any subject, and is pretty well stored with general 
information, will be the most welcome guest. 

In concluding this chapter, we will say, there are many who can 
never forgive another for being more agreeable and more accom- 
plished than themselves, and who can pardon any offence quicker 
than a knowledge of higher merit. Had the nightingale in the 
fable conquered his vanity, and resisted the temptation of show- 
line voice, he might have escaped the talons of the hawk. 
The melody of this ringing was the cause of his destruction ; his 
merit brought him LntO danger, and his vanity cost him his life. 



CHAPTER FOURTH. 

MORNING AND EVENING CALLS. 

Morning calls should be made between the hours of twelve M. , 
and three P. M., and then the call should not exceed thirty 
minutes ; and in the meantime, if other visitors should come in, 
the first caller should depart as soon as possible. Unless a desire 
is expressed, there is no necessity in introducing visitors to each 
other. 

Avoid the lunch or dinner hour if you wish to keep in the good 
graces of the host or hostess. 

Evening Calls. 

To a man of business the evening is more convenient for calling 
than any other time, and this should never be after nine P. M., 
nor should the stay be longer than one hour. 

On Leaving Your Card. 

When the summons at the door is answered, send your card up 
by the person you first see, and if it is intended for more than one 
lady, turn down a corner of the card. If the parties are not at 
home, leave your card in the letter box. 

How to Receive a Visitor. 

The visitor is generally met at the door by a gentleman, who 
places a chair for him ; but if a lady should meet the visitor, she 
need not leave her chair if she feels so disposed. In meeting an 
old friend, she should shake hands with him ; and if the visitor is 
a lady, the hostess should advance to meet her. 



22 perfect etiquette; or, how to behave. 

Customary Rules. 

When the call is informal, the hat, overcoat, cane and gloves 
should be left in the hall ; but where formal, the hat and gloves 
should be held on to, and when necessary, place the hat on the 
floor. 

A gentleman should never bring a stranger with him ; but a lady 
is entitled to that privilege. 

When the person called upon is found ready to go out, make the 
stay as short as possible. 

A lady should never call upon a gentleman alone. 

It is considered the height of ill-breeding to look at your watch 
during a morning visit. 

As children and pet animals are apt to be troublesome, do not 
allow them to assist you in making calls. 

Every lady is thought more of if seen employed during a morn- 
ing visit. 

The attention bestowed on the guests should be equal. 

Unless specially invited, a gentleman ought never seat himself 
close to the hostess, but should take the seat pointed out to him. 

The fireplace corner in winter time is considered the best seat, 
and should be offered to that guest the hostess thinks most of ; 
but if a single lady holds that honor, and a married lady enters, 
the latter should in all politeness be offered that seat. 

Never coax a person to remain after he or she once arises from 
their seat. 

A genuine lady will, if possible, receive her guests at any hour 
during the day. 

Where a White Lie may be Told with Impunity. 

When a lady is so engaged that it will be inconvenient for her 
to receive visitors, she can give instructions to her servant to say 
" engaged ;" and if there are any individual exceptions, why, of 
course, they can enter. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 23 

A lady should never keep her visitors waiting while she is dress- 
ing, but ought always to be in readiness to receive. 

Refreshments. 

In the country, where parties have come a long distance, it is 
nothing but right to be as liberal as you can in offering refresh- 
ments ; but in cities such hospitality is not expected. 

• 
Country Calls. 

Calls made in the country are altogether different from city 
calls, and are governed by circumstances. 

While the caller^ stay, the hostess will never leave the room ex- 
cept to take leave of other friends. 

While waiting for the lady of the house, never walk around the 
room gazing at things, and do not touch anything in reach of you. 

When friends are stopping at a country boarding-house, write 
their full name above yours so as no mistake will be made. 

While an Invalid. 

Daring sickness, whatever calls are made, must be returned as 
soon as you gain your health. 

The Visiting Card, and What it Means. 

A married lady has the privilege of leaving her husband's card 
with her own. 

The servant who admits you is always the person to take your 
card to the lady of the house, so as there will be no mistake in case 
she is receiving company. 

Cards should always be accompanied by verbal messages of sym- 
pathy in illness. 

If the parties are engaged or absent, a card left is sufficient. 

Those who receive cards from a newly married couple, are noti- 
fied that their acquaintance wishes to be kept up, and should ac- 
knowledge the reception of such cards by an early call. 



24 perfect etiquette; or, how to behave. 

When circumstances forbid a visit for the purpose of congrat- 
ulation, a card sent will answer every purpose. 

The week after a ball, social or dinner party, cards should be 
left. 

First Callers. 

The residents of a village should be the first to call on strangers, 
and in a week this call should be returned. \ 

Putting the Hat Aside. 

No matter how strong the urging is, a lady ought not to lay her 
hat aside during a morning call ; but if the calt be one where no 
ceremony is intended or expected, then she can suit herself about 
so doing. 

Whenever you find a party assembled at the house of a friend, 
stay but a short time, and refuse all entreaties to linger longer, 
unless such invitations are accompanied by sincerity. 

Sympathetic Visits. 

These kind of visits should be very short, and the conversation 
should not be very serious, for in convalescence, a cheerful face on 
the caller is more welcome than a face that looks like the dividing 
line between the grave and the patient. 

Invitations in General. 

Any person who makes a prolonged visit on a general invitation, 
may expect to find a little coldness, for in fact such invitations 
mean nothing, and ought to be abolished by all lovers of good 
breeding. 

Visits that Should he Limited. 

When the invitation does not express the time that the host 
wishes you to remain, govern yourself accordingly, and let one 
week be your limit. Announce this the day after your arrival, and 
it will prevent many mishaps. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 25 

Genuine Hospitality. 

None but vulgar people offer excuses for this, that, and the 
other. Avoid any such display. Give your guests the best you 
have in your house ; make them feel at home, and you can do no 
more ; but entertain them, and spend as much time as you can 
spare in their company. 

What May be Expected of the Visitor. 

The visitor should try to make himself at home, and accept the 
situation without grumbling, and should never keep the family 
waiting on his account. 

During the morning hours it would be best for the visitor to oc- 
cupy his time in some way whereby he will not come in contact 
with any of the family, for without a doubt there are certain du- 
ties to be performed in every household during the forenoon, 
which will not admit of any waste time. 

If by accident he hears or sees anything unpleasant going on 
among the family, he must not speak of them, and in fact must 
appear blind and deaf, unless some of the family speak of it first ; 
and even then he must never repeat what he has heard to any living 
soul outside of that house. 

A visitor should never become a recluse, and hide away from the 
family, but should join them in all amusements. 

Never apologize for any extra trouble given, but take care to 
give as little as you^can. 

Where few or no servants are kept, a genuine lady will make her 
own bed without any hints being thrown out ; and, in fact, do what- 
ever else she can to assist her hostess in the labors of the day. 

When the Visit is Ended. 

When leaving your friends, return thanks for the pleasure you 

have had in their company ; and as soon as you get home, write, 

informing them of the fact, and again thanking them for favors 

received. 

2 



26 perfect etiquette; or, how to behave. 

The hostess should invite her friend to call again at some future 
time, and assist them in every way to prepare for their journey 
homewards. 

This way of doing will add another link in the chain of friend- 
ship. 



CHAPTER FIFTH. 

BALLS AND DINNER PARTIES. 

In giving a ball, the size of the room must be first taken into 
consideration, and the number of people it will hold ; and issue no 
more invitations than the room will comfortably accommodate. 
Keep the floor clear for dancing, and the fewer the guests are the 
more pleasant it will be ; for large crowds are a bore, and generally 
create dissatisfaction. 

The invitations should be sent out two weeks in advance, so as 
those invited will have plenty of time to prepare for it. 

Choosing Guests. 

Dancing will be the cream of the evening, and the qualities of 
the dancers should be taken into thought ; although it is not ne- 
cessary that all invited should be (lancers, but the more dancers 
there are in the room the better. 

There are some persons who are bitterly opposed to dancing, 
and the feelings of such persons should not be lacerated by send- 
ing them an invitation. 

How to Succeed in Giving a Ball. 

To be a success, the floor must be smooth and solid, the supper 
excellent, plenty of ventilation, and the dancers artists. 

A few flowers hang around (he room adds lo the beauty of the 
scene, aud makes everything appear brighter. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 27 

The Preparations Needed. 

A servant ought to have charge of each dressing-room, in which 
there should be a complete toilet set. There should be a number 
of tickets having the name of each guest written on them, and 
then pinned to whatever outer clothing the guests leave in care of 
the servant. In this way there will be no confusion, and no article 
of dress will go astray. 

Any time between nine and twelve P. M. is the fashionable 
hours of arrival at the ball-room ; but it would be much better for 
all concerned if such pleasures would commence earlier and end 
sooner. 

The Proper Person to Receive Guests. 

The hostess should take her place near the entrance of the par- 
lor, and the guests, as they arrive, should first pay homage to her. 

Escort Duty. 

The gentleman should call at the residence of the lady he is 
about to take to the ball, and accompany her as far as the ladies' 
dressing-room ; then he should visit the gentlemen's dressing room, 
and from there return to meet and escort the lady to the ball 
room, and then lead her to the lady of the house. He must dance 
the first dance with her, accompany her to supper, and when she 
. becomes tired, be ready to take her home. 

The Supper. 

This room should be opened before twelve o'clock, and it is the 
task of the host or hostess to attend to the wants of every guest. 

Young ladies without escort ought not to lose their supper, and 
a hostess, with her eyes about her, will see that a gentleman will 
attend to the young lady and save her from hunger. 

Gentlemen never rush in alone and leave the young ladies to look 
out for themselves. 



28 PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 

Between' Times. 

Nothing in the shape of refreshments should be taken in the 
ball-room, but there should be a room near by where ice water and 
such like can be had in abundance. 

Everything should be in readiness in the supper room before the 
doors are thrown open. 

When to Engage Partners. 

Before the music strikes up, gentlemen should engage their part- 
ners for the next set ; but if a lady declines to dance from fatigue, 
or other causes, it will show good breeding in the gentleman to re- 
main by her side until that dance is concluded. 

The Pictures. 

These are ladies who don't know how to dance, or if they do, 
will not dance ; and some attention ought to be shown them 
by the young gentlemen present ; because, if they will not dance, 
they can amuse themselves by talking, and it is a great consolation 
to them for a young man to speak a few pleasant words. 

A gentleman should not be so fond of a lady as to keep her all 
to himself during the evening, for it may not only displease her — 
although she will not show it — but it will also displease some gen- 
tleman who would like the privilege of dancing with her. 

When the dance is ended, the lady takes the right arm of her 
partner and promenades the floor. If she wishes refreshments, it 
is his duty to wait up;>n her ; but the lady must not ke?p the gen- 
tleman too long, as in this case she may disappoint some other 
lady to whom he is already engaged for the next set. 

Rules that Are Observed in Every Ball Room. 

A gentleman will never seat himself beside a strange lady. 
Ladies unattended will not walk across a ball-room. 
A quiet walk is all that is required in dancing quadrilles. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 29 

It is a point of etiquette to wear white kid gloves at a ball. 

Never attempt to dance when you don't know how, because, by 
doing so, you may upset the whole arrangement. 

When the entire set is made up of married folks, then it is 
proper for man and wife to dance together 

AFTER THE BALL IS OVER. 

It is always best to leave early and in doing so, get out as quietly 
as possible. 

A lady should never invite a gentleman into her house after he 
leaves her home, but he should call upon her the following day. 

These rules will stand good at public as well as private balls, 
only, at the former you go with and remain during the evening 
with your own party. 

At Dinner. 

From five to eight form the best company at a dinner party, and 
the host or hostess ought to be very cautious in issuing their invi- 
tations, as people of contrary tastes and dispositions are apt to 
make things not over pleasant. 

All such invitations should be sent a few days beforehand, so as 
to give time to hear from a party declining ; but a great deal de- 
pends on whether the dinner takes place in city or country ; and 
the common sense of the host or hostess will guide them accord- 
ingly. 

We will not insult the intelligence of our readers by dictating 
the form of a written invitation. All that need be said on that 
point is, that in etiquette, such invitations, with their acceptance 
or rejection, are expected; and once accepted, the person should, 
by all means, fulfill his or her engagement. 

There is no regular time for dinners. The person giving one 
should not only consult their own convenience, but also that of 
those invited, and guide themselves accordingly. 



30 PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 

Never spoil a dinner by keeping a party waiting. In this case 
the golden rule says : " Be on time." 

The hostess welcomes the guests with a hearty shake of the 
hand, and introduces one to the other. 

Who Goes First. 

The host and the most elderly lady present lead the way, the 
guests follow, and the hostess, in company with the greatest 
stranger present, make up the rear guard ; and when the lady of 
the house is seated at the head, her husband faces her at the other 
end, and the rest of the company are sandwiched along each line. 

Serving Dinner. 

The best known and most popular plan is for all food to be 
placed on a side table, from where the waiter can serve the guests 
without incommoding the table with unnecessary dishes. 

The First Course. 

The first course is soup, which all make a pretence of partaking 
of, even if they do not touch it. The next course is fish, which 
may be refused, but if taken, a fork should be used, and on the 
side of your plate, place your sauce. 

Rules to be Observed. 

The side dishes are third on the list, and when one is offered 
that you do not like, make no excuse, but simply and boldly re- 
fuse it. 

It is a waiter's business to attend to you, so never offer any ex- 
cuses for the trouble you give him, or blame him for want of at- 
tention. 

A gentleman will always see that the lady . he conducts to the 
table is well provided for ; but he must not pay attention to any 
other lady. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 31 

When there are no servants, and dishes are passed, never help 
yourself from a dish you are the first to handle, until those nearest 
to you are supplied. 

As soon as your food is placed before you, eat. 

Never find fault ; leave that for the vulgar to do. 

No well-bred person will ever think of putting a knife in their 
mouth. 

Never take hold of any food with the fingers, except bread. 

Bone your fish before eating it. By doing so, you may save a 
choking. 

Cherry and plum stones should be taken from the mouth as 
slyly as can be, and never imitate in this, but follow your own 
judgment. 

Do not turn your plate on edge, or clean it with bread. 

For natural purposes, use a pocket-handkerchief instead of a 
napkin. 

Wherever a fork can come in play without the use of a knife, 
use the fork. 

Eat cheese with a fork and pudding with a spoon. 

Speak to the party next you in a gentle tone, and wait until your 
mouth is empty. 

Fruit should be eaten with the assistance of a knife. 

Act like grown people while at the table, but never act like 
children. 

Take your time, for the evening is long. 

After the Feast. 

Dinner over, retire to the parlor and indulge in conversation, or 
games of some kind, for a few hours, and then take your leave. 



CHAPTER SIXTH. 

POLITENESS OP THE STREET. 

Those who expect to command respect, must first of all respect 
themselves ; and a gentleman can be detected at any time, for he 
is always the same polite, respectful person, no matter when or 
where you meet him. 

The same may be said of a genuine lady, and there is always 
a something about her that gives protection, no matter in what 
crowd she becomes mixed in with, on public streets or carry-alls. 

It is very often the case, in large cities, that ladies are really 
more protection to gentlemen than the latter are to the former ; 
for it is a well-known fact, that no matter how rough the crow T d 
is, a lady can pass through them uumolested. Her dignified mod- 
esty is her best password. Still there are times when an escort is 
necessary ; for instance, when a lady is making an evening call 
and remains rather late, it is the duty of some gentleman to see 
her home— not that I believe she would be insulted on any public 
street ; but because fashion and customs calls for such attention., 

Who Should Be the First to Bow. 

There is a great difference of opinion in regard to this point ; 
for in the South and West a gentleman will never recognize a lady 
on the street, unless she speaks or bows first; while in the East, 

the rule is ;i kind of mixed ; but, in my opinion, people ought to 
be governed by the custom of the localities in which they live. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 33 

Whether acts of politeness are appreciated or not, never forget 
that you are well-bred, and that politeness costs nothing. If you 
should happen to bow or raise your hat to a person who don't seem 
to understand the meaning of it, do not get ruffled ; it is their 
fault, and the worst you can do is to pity them. 

When meeting a friend with whom you want to have a chat, 
step aside to the curb stone. You will find it more convenient to 
be out of other people's way. 

If you have anything to say to a lady friend, whom you may 
chance to meet, do not stop her, but walk alongside in the direc- 
tion she is going ; say your say, and then bid her good day ; never 
forgetting in so doing to raise your hat. 

Walking Together. 

In promenading in the street, a lady should always have the in- 
side, so as to keep the mud and slush thrown up by carriage wheels 
from off her ; and also, because the inside is the safest. 

A gentleman should at all times offer the lady his arm, because 
their locomotion will be all the better for it, as they can keep step ; 
and if the gentleman's steps are too lengthy, they can compromise 
very soon, by the lady stepping a little quicker, and her com- 
panion a little slower. 

Who Should Enter First. 

The door should be held open by the gRitleman, and the lady or 
ladies enter before he does. 

The Stairs. 

The lady should be always last in going up, and first in coming 
down stairs. 

Standing on Corners. 

Gentlemen ought not to stand on hotel steps and street corners 

and gaze at ladies as they pass ; but still they do it, and the only 

2* 



34 perfect etiquette; or, how to behaye. 

way I know of to break them of that habit is, to marry and reform 
them. 

Where Assistance is Politeness. 

When seeing a lady friend carrying a bundle of any kind, offer 
your services as amateur porter, and your assistance will be appre- 
ciated. 

When All Alone. 

A lady never talks or laughs loud after meeting a friend on the 
street. She only greets them with words of kindness spoken in 
a low tone of voice, and then departs on her mission in an unas- 
suming and gentle way ; and never hears or sees anything that she 
should not see or hear. 

Making New Friends. 

Attracting the attention of gentlemen is not the proper role for 
a lady to play; and an acquaintance formed in such a way, is not 
the thing. 

Masculine Attentiveness. 

Always accept such attentions with good grace, but never re- 
quest them. 



CHAPTER SEVENTH. 

POLITENESS REQUIRED IN TRAVELING, DRIVING, OR RIDING. 

Any lady can travel from one end of the Union to the other, 
alone, and never be insulted, providing she respects herself in re- 
specting others ; but there are always some who are timid and 
afraid to walk the length of the street alone ; and, of course, such 
ladies require a male companion. 

The Gentleman's Duty. 

Whenever a lady is placed in his charge for a trip, he ought to 
be in time to get her baggage checked, before the train arrives. 

The tickets can be purchased with the funds of the gentleman 
and a settlement made afterwards ; or the lady may request him 
to take her pocket-book and pay the expenses out of it. 

The gentleman should then pick out a seat in the centre of the 
car, and not over the wheels, and then allow the lady to sit by the 
window or not, just as she fancies, and after putting all her little 
knicknacs in a proper place, take a seat beside her. 

When their railroad journey is ended, he should leave her in 
the ladies' waiting-room, and when a carriage is found, conduct 
her to it, and entering after her, go with her as far as her friend's 
house, and leave her until the following day, when he should call 
and inquire after her health. If the lady is well-bred, she will be 
glad to see him, and after inviting him in the house, introduce him 
to her friends, and make his stay as pleasant as possible. 

A lady can make it very annoying to the gentleman traveling 
with her, by asking all sorts of foolish questions ; and appearing 



36 PERFECT ETIQUETTE ; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 

very nervous, and wondering if her things are all safe, and telling 
him, every now and then, that she is dreadfully afraid the horrid 
cars will run off the track. All such nonsense will disgust a man. 
A lady should have as few hand packages as possible, and when 
put away, she should leave it alone until the journey is ended. 
When nearing the end, she will get all of her baggage together, 
including books and papers, and not be in any hurry when leaving 
the car. 

When Traveling Alone* 

When a lady is traveling all alone, whatever favors are offered 
by fellow travelers, should be accepted with thanks. In fact, a 
gentleman seeing a lady alone will offer his services in any way he 
can without trying to become too familiar. 

Nevertheless, ladies should learn to wait upon themselves ; and 
young ladies traveling by themselves should very rarely accept 
offers of assistance from strangers. 

Filling Up the Seats, 

When in a crowded car, a lady will never occupy two seats, but 
will, in good humor, so dispose of her packages, that the seat beside 
her will be free for anybody in want of it. 

A well-bred lady will never tip the seat over in front of her 
and fill it up with bundles, retaining it, although she can tell 
very well, from the looks of the passengers, that the seat is needed. 
When anything like this happens, a stranger is justified in moving 
the baggage, reversing the seat, and holding on to the vacant chair. 
An ill bred lady may make some unpleasant remark, but never 
mind, as you have right on your side. 

Holding On to a Seat. 

When traveling, a p tra m may fake a Beat and leave it in charge 
'of a Companion, or claim it by Leaving his wrapper or bag upon it, 



PERFECT^ ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 37 

while he goes after tickets or anything else. This is a recognized 
sign of the seat being engaged ; but he cannot leave that seat 
with his packages on it and find another in the forward car. He is 
only entitled to one seat, and must give up one or the other. 

When a lady is seen standing up, a gentleman is not compelled 
to give her his seat, as the conductor is in duty bound to find a 
seat for her. 

Street Cars. 

The case is entirely different in street cars, for no lady should 
be permitted to stand up. 

Ferry Boats. 

The ladies' saloon on ferry boats belongs exclusively to them, 
and no gentleman will intrude and occupy the seats while a lady 
stands. 

Smoking*. 

In the presence of ladies, smoking should be prohibited ; as there 
is not one out of ten ladies who can stand the smoke from a cigar, 
as it makes them sick, and on this account alone gentlemen ought 
to be a little thoughtful. 

Ladies and Ladies. 

It is right and proper for elderly ladies to look after younger 
ones, when traveling alone, and to keep them from being lonely. 
Words of cheerfulness should be addressed them, and they should 
become the particular charge of the matronly lady. A lady of 
this kind can at times be of great assistance in giving information 
or advice ; and any lady of traveling experience should feel it her . 
duty to act the part of a gentleman when. none of .that sex are 
about. 

Look Out for Others' Comfort. 

Never open a window on a boat or steam car without asking 
permission of the persons sitting near it ; for what may be a 



38 perfect etiquette; or, how to. behave. 

comfort to you, may be death to them, and the best way to do is, 
to take everything as it comes, without grumbling, and your good 
humor will relieve many of the discomforts of traveling. 

Hotels and Steamboats. 

When traveling, no gentleman will rush to the table and help 
himself without lookiug out for some lady traveling alone. The 
man who does so, is not possessed of good breeding. There is 
never any need for rushing and pushing, as there is always plenty 
of time for every passenger to enter or leave a car in a genteel 
manner, without intruding on the rights of others. At all times 
attend to the ladies and aged people before you think of yourself ; 
and, if crossing a ferry, or in street cars, your friend protests 
against you paying the fare, let him have his own way by all 
means, and at some other time you can return the favor. 

Reading while Traveling. 

When a gentleman is provided with books or papers, he should 
first offer it to his companions, and if refused, he can read him- 
self, leaving his friends to do as they choose. 

The Seat of Honor. 

In a carriage, the seat of honor is on the right hand, facing the 
horses, which is the seat of the hostess, who is never expected to 
give it up. Gentlemen ought always to give this seat to a lady, 
and sit alongside, if invited ; but if not, he must face the lady. 
When entering a carriage, the back should be turned towards the 
seat about to be taken. This will obviate the necessity of turning 
round, and a gentleman should.be very careful and not step on, 
or trample, a lady's dress. 

fn Alighting from the Carriage. 

The gentleman must be the first to leave the carriage, even if 
the lady is passe, 1 in doing so. If there is a servant with the 
Carriage, lie can hold tin; door open, but the gentleman must 






PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 39 

assist the ladies in getting out. In entering a carriage, the gentle- 
man must see that the skirt of the lady's dress is not hanging 
outside. A robe is a necessity in case of mud or dust ; and if the 
gentleman is thoughtful, he will provide the lady with shawl, 
parasol and fan before he takes his seat. If a lady has to leave 
a carriage before a gentleman, he must first get out, and then 
help her ; and when she wishes to return, he must repeat the 
exercise. 

Horse-Back Riding. 

When a person is not a thorough rider, and cannot sit the 
saddle, the more modest they are in their pretensions, the better 
for them, for there is not only an art in riding, but there is a 
politeness connected with it that a person cannot become a master 
of until he can master the saddle. 

Forethought. 

A gentleman about to accompany a lady on horse-back, should 
see that the horse is gentle and kind ; not up to tricks, or fond 
of shying at every pebble he sees. He should also see that the 
saddle-girth, head-gear and bridle are all taut and secure, as he 
is actually responsible for the lady's safety for the time being ; 
and, being a wise man, will not be over-confident in the pre- 
parations of stable men. 

How to Mount. 

In assisting the lady to mount, the gentleman must stand at the 
horse's shoulder, and stooping, with his face towards her, hold out 
his hand, and let her place her left foot in his hand. This she does 
after placing herself on the near side of the horse, standing as close 
as possible to him ; and having her skirt gathered in her left hand 
and her right upon the pommel of the saddle, with her face 
towards the head of the horse. When the foot is lifted, she then 
springs, and gains the saddle ; and then the gentleman puts her 



40 perfect etiquette; or, how to behave. 

foot in the stirrup, and smoothing down her skirts, mounts his 
own horse. 

If the lady or ladies are good riders, the gentleman can ride be- 
tween them, or close alongside ; but if they are novices, and ner- 
vous, he had better keep away a little so as to give the lady's horse 
room to sway. 

The Choice of Speed. 

The lady has this privilege, and no gentleman will urge the 
horse to a faster pace than she wishes to go. 

If in riding alone, a lady is met walking, the gentleman must 
dismount to speak to her. 

Getting out of the Saddle. 

In alighting, the lady must free her knee from the pommel, and 
be sure that her habit is free ; and then the gentleman takes her 
left hand in his right and makes a step with his left hand, on which 
she will put her foot, and gently lowering his hand, allow her to 
touch the ground without springing. This rule applies to city 
ladies only, for country lasses require no assistance of this kind. 

The shady side of the road should be given to the ladies, and all 
tolls should be promptly paid by him, having the money ready be- 
fore they reach the gate so as not to keep the ladies waiting. 



CHAPTER EIGHTH. 

POLITENESS TO BE OBSERVED IN PUBLIC PLACES. 

Churches. 

Silence and modesty should at all times be strictly observed in 
sacred buildings. 

Whispering, staring or laughing should be dispensed with. 

Go slow in walking up or down the aisle. 

Every gentleman will remove his hat on entering a church. 

A lady and gentleman will walk up the aisle together, and when 
the pew is reached, the lady will enter first, and the gentleman fol- 
low her, closing the door after him. 

When fans or books are passed in church, refuse or accept with 
a motion of the head. 

When the sexton overlooks a stranger, open the door of your 
pew and beckon him in. 

Provide all strangers with books, and if the service is strange 
to them, point out the reading of the day to them 

If books are scarce, share yours in common with a stranger. 

Take your time at the end of the devotions, and do not crowd, 
but depart in peace and quietness ; and, when once outside, it is 
customary to have a quiet chat with your friends, but there should 
be no loud talking or laughing. A smile will answer every pur- 
pose. It shows very bad taste in gentlemen filling up the vestibule, 
or standing on the steps and ogling every lady as she passes. 

Kemember that, when you are in Rome, you must do as they 
do ; and, in visiting a strange church, the ceremonies of which 
you are unacquainted with, do not show your ill-breeding by mak- 



42 PERFECT etiquette; oe, how to behaye. 

ing remarks, or grinning at anything that may appear odd to you ; 
but, on the contrary, respect the feelings of the members by doing 
exactly as you see them do. 

It is always best to wait until the sexton comes, when in a 
strange church, as it is not polite to enter a pew, whether occu- 
pied or not, without an invitation from the ow T ners, or from the 
sexton. 

Those who are always late at church have often ill-natured re- 
marks made about them ; so it is best to be always on time. 

When in a strange city, and visiting some celebrated church out 
of curiosity, be just as quiet and respectful as if services were 
going on. 

Theatre, Opera or Concert Hall. 

An invitation to a lady must be sent a day or two previous to 
the entertainment ; because, if she excuses herself, it will give a 
gentleman time enough to select another companion. 

Good seats should be secured beforehand ; for it is very provok- 
ing to have to sit in the rear of the hall, where a person cannot 
see or hear. 

When the hall is entered, and the aisle is found to be too nar- 
row for walking double, the gentleman should go forward ; and, 
when the seats are reached, the lady should take the inside one, 
and the gentleman the one outside. 

During the whole performance, a gentleman should remain by 
the lady's side, unless circumstances over which he has no control 
compi 1 him to leave her for a few moments ; and, in a case like 
this, he :should apologize, and return as soon as possible. 

A gentleman should remember that there is only one lady in that 
iblage whose comfort he is bound to look after; and, of 
course, he will not give up his seat to anybody, but remain along- 
side of his companion, to render assistance in case of danger, and 
to explain, or talk between the acts. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE ; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. * 43 

At a promenade concert, it is customary to invite the lady to walk 
a little ; but if she refuses, then the gentleman must remain by her. 

Conversation between acts is considered proper ; but the voice 
should not be raised to a high pitch, as it may incommode others, 
and draw the eyes of many upon you. 

It is the perfection of ill-breeding to ask questions or make re- 
marks while the play is in progress ; and a perfect lady or gentle- 
man will remain quiet during the performance. 

Applaud an actor when he deserves it ; but, no matter what mis- 
takes he makes, or how bad his acting may be, never hiss — none 
but serpents have that accomplishment, and people of good breed- 
ing do not desire it. 

A lady must always be provided with a book of the opera or 
programme, as the case may be. 

In leaving the building, do so in good order ; for it is not only 
polite to do so, but when danger is apprehended, it will be found 
the safest way. 

The same as in church ; never be late at an entertainment of any 
sort ; for your late arrival disturbs the whole audience. 

When the lady arrives home, she should grant the favor, when 
asked for, by allowing the gentleman to call next day ; when the 
amusement of the night before can be criticised; and even 
in this she should be lenient, as a sensitive man may take it to 
heart if the performance did not please his companion. 

Galleries of Art. 

Criticisms of pictures should be made in a low tone of voice, 
and do not pretend to know more than anybody else ; for the 
chances are there will be somebody listening who does know some- 
thing, and the look you will get may remind you of your ignorance 
in matters of art. Keep to one side while viewing a picture, for 
recollect there are others in your immediate vicinity who would 
like to look at the same picture. 



44 PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 

Charitable Fairs. 

Never comment unfavorably on the articles presented. If you 
do not like them and cannot pay the price, say nothing, or else 
praise them and walk on to the next table ; and if you do the latter 
speak loud enough for the lady artist to hear you. Try it. It will 
do no harm. 

If you are a volunteer saleslady, never insist or try to compel a 
person to buy, for that course will appear unladylike ; and in the 
end, you will sell more goods by adopting different tactics. 

Give the exact change to whoever buys, and never hint that you 
will keep all the money you can lay hands on because you are 
working for sweet charity's sake. The gentleman may need the 
change ; and remember, the Lord provides for those He loves ; 
so there will be no danger of those needing this particular char- 
ity suffering. 

Show your good breeding by not flirting with a gentleman, while 
trying to get him to buy. He will buy just as quick, if you ap- 
pear gentle and ladylike. 

In church, and other public fairs, there is no necessity of a gen- 
tleman going round bareheaded ; the ladies are not so particular 
in assemblages of this kind ; all they want is your money. 

When Visiting a Studio. 

"Hands off," is the motto in every well regulated studio, and 
remcmb( ring this advice, do not touch anything unless allowed by 
the artist. 

Neither praise too highly, or run down anything shown you ; 
but if the work of art pleases you, pay strict attention to it, and 
praise it quietly. 

Unless you intend to buy, never ask the price; but if your ideas 
run in the purchasing line, leave the purchasing to some mutual 
friend, who will negotiate, and serve the interests of the buyer 
and seller at the same time. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 45 

Never intrude upon an artist, for you may be of great annoy- 
ance to bim in his work j but if be sends you an invitation, nam- 
ing the time best suited to him, you can visit bis studio without ir- 
ritating him. There are times when the work of hours is destroyed 
by a moment's untimely interruption. 

Children, as a rule, are mischievous, and it would please the ar- 
tist immensely if they were left at home. 

If you have made an engagement with an artist to sit for your 
portrait, be on time, for every moment is precious to him. 

Artists are generally of a nervous disposition, and a visitor should 
never disturb or annoy them, by watching their work, or taking a 
standing position in the rear. 



CHAPTER NINTH. 

THE POLITENESS OF LETTER- WRITING. 

There is as much art in letter- writing as there is in any profes- 
sion ; and yet most everybody imagine they can write a perfect 
letter, when the truth is, there are very few in proportion to our 
population who can really write a proper and correct letter. 

There is a charm in briefness, and in putting what you have to 
say together in the fewest possible words ; but choose such words 
as will explain your thoughts fully and plainly. There are all 
kinds of letters ; but among those most prominent are, the friendly 
letter, the business letter, the family letter, the letter of consola- 
tion or congratulation, letters of declination, invitation or accept- 
ance, and last, though not least, the love-letter. 

The Letter of Friendship. 

It is very har,d to describe a letter of this sort, for it is written 
in different styles and on different subjects. The tone of this let- 



46 PERFECT ETIQUETTE | OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 

ter is lofty, and the interests of the party addressed are looked 
after with a feeling of sincerity. Such a letter should not be an- 
swered too soon ; for a proper answer requires thought and calm- 
ness. 

The Letter of Business. 

Time is everything to the man of business ; and letters addressed 
to such should be as brief as possible. State your business in the 
fewest words, and then add your signature. 

In commencing a business letter, write the gentleman's or lady's 
full name on the top of the sheet, beginning at the left-hand mar- 
gin ; and then say, "Dear Sir," or "Sir." The same rule will 
apply to a lady in addressing a business letter to her ; and, when 
finished, subscribe yourself, " Your obedient servant," "Yours," 
"Yours respectfully," "Yours truly," or in any other way that 
pleases you ; but never sign yourself "Yours, etc.," for the " etc." 
may mean anything or nothing. 

Always subscribe your full name and address at the ending of a 
business letter. 

In answering a letter of business, always quote a little from the 
one received, so as to remind the sender of the first of what he 
wrote ; and the better way would be to write the answer on the 
letter received, and send both together. Make no delay in answer- 
ing a letter of business ; and let it be to the point. 

The lietter of the Family, 

This kind of a letter a man is rarely good at, as they are not up 
to all the little trilling incidents of the day; and, therefore, this kind 
of work belongs especially to the gentler sex, for they find lots of 
items to put together, that a man would never think of. The gossip 
of the neighborhood ; the health, and accidents of the family ; the 
last dress that Jenny purchased ; and how Mary made a new 
dress OOt of an old one. An allusion to the pony, and many items 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; 0R ; HOW TO BEHAVE. 47 

of the same style, is contained in these kind of letters ; and after 
the whole news is put on paper, then comes all kinds of questions 
about those they are writing too ; and it is generally wound up by 
words of true love and regard to the person receiving it ; and a 
request that an answer will be sent soon. 

Letters of Sympathy. 

Expressions of genuine good feeling and sincerity must be used 
in letters of this description. Let such letters be as short as possi- 
ble, and do not refer to any subject except the one under consider- 
ation. 

The Letter of Love. 

This is a letter that is controlled altogether by the heart, and 
the feelings of that vital part is the best criterion to go by ; but let 
the style of the letter be simple and sincere, and whether it should 
be long or short, depends entirely on what is to be said. 

Rules that Ought to be Remembered. 

Every letter written should have all the i's dotted and the t's 
crossed, and the punctuation should be at least plain enough to 
allow the reader to get at the meaning of it ; and, if possible, the 
handwriting should be clear and plain. 

Commercial note paper is the best to write letters on ; and black 
ink should be used at all times. 

The address of the w T riter should accompany all letters. 

At the end of every letter, the name of the writer should be 
signed in fall ; and if a married lady should be the sender, let her 
put " Mrs." before her name. 

Have no fancy work about the signature ; the plainer it is 
written the better. None but the vulgar try to make an impres- 
sion by crooked writing. 

Business letters, and letters for the press, should be written on 
one side of the sheet only. 



48 perfect etiquette; or, how to behave. 

Save your ink and don't italicise too much ; for a person of 
sense will get at your meaning without you appearing nonsensi- 
cal. 

Beware of the blots ; but lining out cannot be helped at times, 
and especially by people who have something else to do besides 
writing letters. 

If writing for favors, enclose a postage stamp. 

Let the writing on the envelope be in a large round hand ; and 
if sent in care of anybody, write that name in the left hand lower 
corner. 

Never use sealing wax ; as it has gone out of date long ago. 

Place the stamp on the right hand corner, head up ; and before 
mailing, give the stamp time enough to stick. 

Bad news is never good at best ; but if it is your ill luck to have 
to send any news that is sad, break it as softly as possible. 

You will find it a good rule, to keep your own troubles to your- 
self ; for, as a rule, other people do not care to hear of it ; and if 
friendly and powerless to assist you, your troubles will only cause 
unnecessary grief. 

Be cheerful in your writing if you can; but never give way on 
paper to melancholy ; and, above* all, never scribble a line wiien in 
a passion. If you have any cause why such an angry letter should 
be written, wait a bit, and when you cool off, you wUl be glad 
that you did not write or send such a letter. 

Persons of good breeding always write in a spirit of civility; 
and even if they have cause to write otherwise, they have sense 
enough not to let it crop out on paper. 

Never send a letter without your signature, for anonymous epis- 
tles are the invention of ignorant knaves and fools. 

Drop anything leaning towards egotism ; for people who think 
too much of themselves, are very often thought little of by those 
they are addressing; avoid the pronoun M I " whenever possible, 
and substitute something else in its place. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE ; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 49 

When death has made a visit to the family, mourning envel- 
opes should be used ; the narrower the black border, the more in 
taste. 

Be correct in spelling, and let your grammar be as near perfec- 
tion as can be ; incorrect sentences may be overlooked sometimes, 
but there is no excuse for bad spelling. Whatever you have to 
write, tell in a jovial manner, and remember, that your style of 
composition will be criticised one way or the other. 

In writing a letter, imagine the person whom you are address- 
ing, is sitting before you, and write as if you and them were having 
a simple conversation. That is, write as you would speak, and be as 
natural as possible. 



CHAPTER TENTH. 

POLITENESS IN COURTING. 

There could be a great deal said upon this subject ; but, as we are 
only dealing in etiquette and politeness, we will keep to our sub- 
ject, and let lovers look somewhere else for information and 
advice on this momentous question. Politeness and good breed- 
ing is needed more in this epoch, where we all have a part to 
play, than in any other chapter of our life, that may insure hap- 
piness or wretchedness. 

During this interesting period of our existence, the sexes enjoy 
the greatest liberty of their lives ; and when not actually engaged, 
they can associate without any check, except that which is 
called for by morality and etiquette. 

! How a Gentleman Should Conduct Himself in the 
Company of Ladies. 

When a gentleman is not thinking of marrying, he should not sin- 
gle out any one lady for special attention on his part ; for if he does, 

3 



50 PERFECT ETIQUETTE ; OR, HOW TO BEHATE. 

it gives food for talk among the lady's neighbors and friends ; and 
even causes the lady to think that the gentleman means more than 
friendship. If his thoughts do not run in that direction, he should 
show the same attention to other ladies, and then there will be no 
cause for gossip, and no one lady can imagine herself an injured 
being. 

How Ladies Should Act With Gentlemen. 

A young lady should not encourage the addresses of any man 
unless she is satisfied in her own mind that her affection for him 
will be lasting. She should bestow equal favors on others, and 
this will prevent liis too frequent visits. 

First Declarations. 

Proposals of marriage on short acquaintance is altogether wrong, 
and if the lady accepts, she will rue the hour when she gave her- 
self away. She ought to take time to get thoroughly acquainted; 
learn each other's imperfections as well as perfections, and be per- 
fectly satisfied that each will make a proper helpmate. 

How to Court. 

To lay down any particular law in regard to courting, would be 
impossible, as love and nature controls it, and the common sense 
of the youug folks will tell them what is best to do. To ask the con- 
sent of th * parents before you really commence seriously to court the 
girl, is not reasonable, for before you make any rash promises, the 
conclusion may be reached that you are unsuited to each uther ; 
and it would be rather awkard to be engaged by a promise to the 
lady's parents. Court first, and engage afterwards. 

The custom of asking the consent of the girl's parents before 
marriage, is becoming obsolete ; and it ought to, for it is natural to 
suppose that the girl knows better what suits her than her parents, 
Whose love-days an; over, and who, as a rule, are jealous of any 
young man who is about to take their daughter away. The young 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 51 

lady who has independence enough to manage her own case, and 
at the same time have a proper respect for the feelings of her par- 
ents, will make a good wife ; and we have known of some who 
were without parents, being orphans, yet made the best of wives, 
after choosing for themselves, and were the happiest of women. 
It is the duty of parents to find out the character of their daugh- 
ter's associates, and if they know of anything wrong, advise her of 
the fact, and exclude such a man from their residence ; but all 
such things should be done in a very delicate manner, for anger, 
or a demand on the girl to give up the unworthy object of her af- 
fection, will be very apt to make her hold on faster to him. In 
cases of this kind, if the girl is sent into the country to friends, 
and she is not let known the cause of being sent, it may effect a 
cure ; for time works wonders ; but there is no necessity for such 
a course, as the parents, and especially the mother, ought to know 
how far things have gone without asking any questions ; and if the 
young man is acceptable, then everything should be allowed to 
take its proper course. 

Marriage Proposals. 

The best way to do it is, to go In person, and in a bold, earnest 
tone propose to the lady, and she will like you all the better for 
your manliness. But, should your heart fail you, then put your 
proposal in writing, and await ara. answer. If she says " No," do 
not let that discourage you, for many a time a lady means ' ' Yes " 
when she says "No." There are many things to cause a }^oung 
lady to say no, when she does not really mean it ; such as nervous- 
ness, fear, uncertainty, and other little matters of which none but 
the gentle sex know of. When " No " is said once, the gentleman 
can then call on the lady, and if she is worthy of his love, and in- 
tends to marry him, she will not say " No " a second time. Give 
her all the time she wants, for ladies are not apt to decide as 
quickly as gentlemen. When a lady does not mean "¥68," and 



52 PERFECT ETIQUETTE J OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 

says " No," she ought to do it in such a way that there can be no 
possibility of a mistake ; and this can be done in a manner so 
gentle, that a lasting friend can be made of the former lover. 

Marriage is too sacred and serious a thing to trifle with, and it 
is very unfair in either sex to jest about it, or do anything that can 
be called sport. Trouble will come of it, and the party causing the 
jest will be sorry for many a day 'after. There are ladies of a de- 
signing cast of mind who would accept a proposal in jest as a real- 
ity ; and there are others of a sensitive nature, who could see no 
fun in it ; and the best way to do is, never to attempt any funny 
business in relation to marriage. Never give a doubtful answer. 
Speak right to the point, for the former makes a man unsatisfied ; 
and it will be found always best to be candid. 

No man of sense will feel aggrieved at a woman's first refusal, 
for she claims this as her right ; but when a lady says " No " she 
should say so as politely as possible, for she must always remem- 
ber that the highest compliment paid a woman by a man is, when 
he proposes to her. 

None but a coquette will keep a man in suspense for the sake of 
making his friends pay attention to her ; and the girl who would 
boast of rejecting an honorable offer of marriage, ought never to 
have another chance to do likewise with any man. 

A well-bred and generous hearted woman will never rejoice over 
the misery of the man she rejects ; but, instead, while she cannot 
give him her heart, she can give her sympathy ; and although she 
need?not speak of it, she can show it in her actions. 

When Rejected. 

The duly of the man is to retire at once with all the grace pos- 
sible, and not even ask the reason of the refusal ; but if voluntarily 
given to him. he must not, in honor, ever divulge the secret. 

Once rejected, never annoy the unfortunate lady who dismissed 
you, for there is no telling what her feelings may be ; and another 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 53 

thing a man must remember : " There is as good fish in the sea as 
ever was caught;" and instead of moping and pining over what 
you consider your loss, look out for another lady, and try again. 

When Engaged, 

After the parents ratify the engagement, a suitable present in 
the shape of a ring should be given the lady by her lover. This 
binds the bargain, and such ring should be worn upon the ring 
finger of the right hand. 

How the Prospective Bridegroom Must Conduct 
Himself. # 

Especial attention should be paid by him to his future sisters and 
brothers-in-law ; and he must not by any means forget his coming 
mother-in-law ; and let him appreciate any confidence placed in him 
by them. 

The engagement having become settled, it is next in order for 
the young man's family to become acquainted with his future wife ; 
and they should do everything in their power to please her. 

What an Engaged Lady Should Do. 

She should stop all flirtations, although it is not necessary that 
she should be distant with all gentlemen ; she may still receive 
them as friends, but must so conduct herself that no offense can 
be given her future husband. 

The same rule will apply to the young man ; but neither should 
do anything to make the other jealous. After marriage, they can 
enjoy society as before, and keep up the same old friendships ; for 
the very fact of their confessing to each other their love ought to 
be proof of their faithfulness ; and where there is confidence, there 
is no danger of after ill-feeling. 

The Relations of One to the Other. 

By appearing in public with other ladies, a slight is put upon the 
bride, which should not be done by the young man ; for now and 



54 perfect etiquette; or, how to behate. 

in the future he is her only escort, and she his only companion ; 
and they should do nothing to cause ill-feeling, gossip or grief, but 
be devoted to each other, and to each other only. 

If the young man's means will allow of it, a few presents in the 
shape of music, books or flowers, will be very appropriate after 
engagement. 

Early Quarrels. 

Reconciliation is a very good thing, and sometimes delightful ; 
but do not make a test question of jealousy, for the purpose of 
making friends again. The quarrel will be a certainty, and if the 
love of either is killed by it, the guilty party wifl be served exactly 
right. 

When Engagements are Broken. 

An engagement must sometimes be broken off ; but at anytime 
it is a serious and grievous business, and ought to be thought over 
twice before undertaking it. The party contemplating it must 
move gently but firmly, and yet do it in such a way that the wound 
will be as painless as possible. The pen is mightier than the 
tongue in cases of this kind, for a person can express themselves 
far clearer and much better than by conversation. Everything in 
the shape of presents that has been received during the courtship 
should be returned with the letter. 

A letter of this kind should be answered in a calm manner; and 
unless it is morally certain that he or she is misinformed or greatly 
mistaken in their conclusions, do not try to change the decision. 



CHAPTER ELEVENTH. 

POLITENESS OF THE TABLE. 

The most quiet meal of the day is breakfast ; and where there 
are a number of servants, it is customary to allow the members of 
a family to partake of that meal whenever it suits their conven- 
ience ; but where the family is small and the servants scarce, 
there is generally an hour set, at which time it is expected every 
member will be on hand. At this meal democracy reigns, for the 
governor can scan over his paper, and the scions of the house can 
read their letters in quietness ; and leave the table without any 
ceremony. 

The First Meal. 

A snow white tablecloth, and a few fresh flowers set on in vases, 
are great things to tempt the morning appetite, which is generally 
dull and void of taste. The bread should be already cut when set 
before the family, and in eating, it should be always broken ; for 
broken bread is the sweetest. Fruit in season should be on the 
table in plenty, for it is much better than meat, and, in fact, more 
healthy for the morning meal. 

Rules to be Observed. 

When more coffee or tea is desired, the spoon should remain in 
the saucer ; and when satisfied, allow the spoon to remain in the 
cup. 



56 PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEH1VE. 

Whenever anything disagreeable is found in your solids or 
fluids, remove it without making any remark that will cause 
the appetite of others to fail. 

The butter knife, salt spoon and sugar spoon are placed on the 
table to use ; not to look at. 

Whenever you feel a fit of sneezing or coughing coming on, 
leave the table. The former can be stopped by holding the upfcer 
lip firm with your finger. 

When visiting, leave your napkin alongside your plate ; but at 
home you can fold it up, and put the ring around it. 

Be neither too fast or otherwise in your eating. 

Do not cross your knife and fork upon your plate when through. 

Never find fault with your food. 

Do not lean back in your chair when finished. 

Always place your knife and fork upon rests, or a piece of 
bread, in sending your plate to be refilled. 

Do not spread your elbows, for it is looked upon as very vulgar. 

Do not be ashamed to eat all on your plate, if you can. 

When a plate is handed to you, keep it and commence eating. 

Lunch. 

When the lords of the family cannot return to an early dinner, 
a lunch will serve as a dinner for servants and children, and at the 
same time relieve the cravings of your appetite. 

Whatever it may be, serve it altogether, and when there are not 
more than two to serve, bring it on a tray. 



CHAPTER TWELFTH. 

HOW TO MAKE AND RECEIVE PRESENTS. 

There is a kind of a knack in giving and receiving of presents, and 
Very often a person offends in both ways, unintentionally, when 
he or she may really wish to do the opposite. The price of a gift 
does not amount to anything. It is the feeling of the giver and 
receiver to each other that sets the value on the article presented. 
An article worth only fifty cents may have more value attached to 
it by the holder, and may be kept longer as a memento of friend- 
ship, than an article worth one hundred dollars coming from some 
other party. 

Every gift ought to represent the giver in someway. Thus: 
the author should present a book ; the sailor, shells and coral ; 
the poet, his poems ; the miner, a gem ; the painter, his picture ; 
and everybody else according to their taste. 

Never expect a return for the present given ; and never remind 
the receiver of what you have given them. 

The poor are sensitive, and should never have their pride hurt 
by any present given by the rich. 

The rich should never receive any token of regard from the 
poor, unless what is worked by their own hands. 

Never write the name of a friend in a book that you present 

them with, unless requested. 

It is very impolite to ask or even tell the money value of a gift ; 

3* 



58 perfect etiquette; or, how to behave. 

for the real value is in the friendship existing between the giver 
and receiver. 

Hospitality always commands a present of some sort, and a 
married lady can always accept a token of that kind from a gentle- 
man who is under obligations to her in this respect. 

Single ladies should never accept presents from gentlemen, un- 
less related or engaged. 

A gentleman receiving a present from a married lady, must do 
so in the name of her husband and self. 

Never refuse a gift that is offered in kindness. 

Never go beyond your means in buying a present. 

On receipt of a present, acknowledge it immediately, and not be 
too profuse with thanks. 

When a present is received and accepted by you, do not* return 
the obligation in a hurry ; but wait awhile, and the pleasure in 
receiving your present will be all the greater. 

Young People. 

In all company, young people should be treated with the same 
regard that is extended to older persons. It puts them at their 
ease ; whereas, if we slight them, they become so awkward, that 
it will take some time to overcome it. 

Pleasant Faces. 

We should leave our melancholy at home, and try to speak and 
look kindly wherever we go. There is a world of wisdom in this 
advice, which will be readily found out by those who prac- 
tise it. 

Sympathy For Those Who Need it. 

If another tells us of their troubles — no matter how much we 
may dislike to hear it— sympathize with them if possible ; for it 
will make them more cheerful, and stronger. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 59 

Hypocrisy Among Females. 

This is rarely to be commended, but there are times when it is 
better to be hypocritical, than to be rude and impolite. Charity 
and etiquette commands a lady never to insult another in her own 
house, no matter how much she may dislike the visitor ; and it is 
the very acme of ill-breeding to do otherwise. 

Attitudes. 

Never sit cross-legged, yawn, twist your chain, lounge or fidget 
in company, as it is highly improper. 

Give Way to Others. 

Always give way to those older than yourself, unless they re- 
quest you to take the lead ; then obey ; for it is a true sign of good 
breeding to comply with the wishes of those who are older than 
yourself. 

Advice to Those Who are Shy. 

Try to master it ; and when spoken to, never stammer or blush, 
but speak boldly, and in language be correct. 

In Speaking, be Moderate. 

If called upon to defend yourself, speak with moderation ; never 
let your voice run away with you ; and never get too warm, be- 
cause hard feelings follow the latter. Arguments and idle discus- 
sion are uncalled for, as it leads to no good. The better way is to 
change the subject and commence one that will lead to good feel- 
ing. 

Profane or vulgar language is detestable at all times ; so avoid 
it. 

Bragging. 

None but the ill-bred brag of their family connections, wealth, 
or superior intelligence. 



60 perfect etiquette; or, how to behave. 

Singing. 

Never push yourself forward to sing or play ; but when invited, 
do so at once, without any excuse. If indisposed, or suffering 
from cold, hoarseness or anything else, refuse politely but deci- 
sively. 

When Playing Cards 

Always keep your temper and never cheat. Never accuse an- 
other of cheating, even if you are morally certain of it ; but 
keep your knowledge to yourself ; and the next time refuse firmly, 
but politely to play with the same party. 

Prinking. 

Every person is conceded the right to drink at table, or not, as 
suits him ; and neither press him to drink more, or try to force him 
to drink any, if he positively refuses. 

Tobacco Chewing. 

This gives a great deal of uneasiness to ladies who have hand- 
some carpets, and as it is a vulgar habit at best, a gentleman will 
abstain from it. 

Scandal. 

Never scandalize or ridicule any person, no matter if they are 
miles away, or in your immediate vicinity ; and always have a 
proper respect for the religious belief of others, even if they differ 
entirely from you. 

Tilings Not to Do. 

Avoid reading in company, for you can contribute better to the 
pleasure of others by not reading. 

Do not scratch your head, pick your nose, or do anything else 
disagreeable in company. 

Do not slam the door as if you were trying to take it off its 
hinges, when you enter a house. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 61 

Do not lean your head against the wall, for by so doing you will 
soil the paper. 

Requesting Favors. 

In asking favors, say : " If you please ;" and when granted, say : 
"I thank you." 

The Gentleman's Hat. 

No gentleman will sit in the house with his hat on, and especially 
in the presence of ladies. A well-bred man will remove his hat 
as if by instinct when entering a room. 

When handing a lady to a carriage, he, of course, keeps his hat 
on, because his hands are rendering assistance to the lady ; but in 
leaving her, he raises his hat from off his head. 

Waste not the Time of Others. 

Always be punctual, and you will always be welcome. 

Quietness, 

Abstain from the fidgets, and never be uneasy, but keep quiet, 
no matter how the time may lag. 

What a Lady .Expects. 

She expects you, being a polite gentleman, to hand her a chair, 
pick up her glove, and, in fact, be attentive to her on all occasions. 

Privacy. 

Always knock at the door of a private room before entering, and 
never peer into the private letters or other property that may be 
in your way. To do so, is neither respectful or polite. 

A well-bred person will never peep over the shoulder of another 
who is either writing or reading. 

Another mark of ill-breeding is, in asking questions of a child 
about family affairs. 

Confidence should never be betrayed, even if secrecy has not 
bound you. 



62 PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAYE. 

Pleasing Others before Ourselves. 

No matter how ignorant some people are of the rules of 
politeness, never insult them by letting them know of it, or by 
doing different. Genuine good breeding demands that you will 
violate the rules of politeness sometimes, so as to do as others do, 
unless what they do is too indecent. 

Common Familiarity. 

A mere acquaintance should never be addressed by his christian 
name, and a lady should always put the prefix Mr. before the 
name of a gentleman. 

Impatience in Speech. 

Never answer impatiently, but always in courtesy, no matter 
how Inconvenient it may be to you. 

Apology, 

No gentleman will ever refuse an apology when tendered in sin- 
cerity, nor will he fail to offer one, when one is due from him. 

Intruding. 

Never call upon a man or woman of business, during the hours 
of business, unless you really intend business. 

* 
Whispering in Company. 

This is the most vulgar and ill-bred thing a person can do, as it 
makes others think you are talking of them. 

General Salutes. . 

When entering a room, slightly bow, before speaking to the per- 
sons there. 

Always say: " Good morning," or ''Good evening," before tak- 
ing your scut, aud particularly so to the host or hostess. 






PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 63 

Speaking of Husbands and Wives. 

They should never be spoken of by their christian name, or as 
11 My husband," or " My wife," but always as Mr. or Mrs. . 

Deformed Persons. 

It is not only impolite, but unkind and uncharitable to pay any 
attention to the deformity of another. 

Abuse in the Presence of Others. 

The person who will abuse or scold any one in the presence of 
others, is not worthy to carry the name of lady or gentleman. 

Correcting 1 . 

In correcting a mistake in anyone, always say : "I ask your par- 
don, but I think you are mistaken ;" and when the mistake is not 
of much moment, say nothing. 

The Good Name of Woman. 

"Good name, my lord, in man or woman, is the jewel of their 
souls ; " so said Shakespeare, and so it is ; but especially in women ; 
and it is the duty of every man never to speak ill of her. No 
matter how mean she may be, or what provocation she gives you, 
if you cannot speak well of her, say nothing. 

Promises. 

Whenever you promise to do a favor for anybody, never fail in 
doing it. 

Jokes. 

What are practical are uncalled for, and should never be under- 
taken. 

Books that are Borrowed. 

They should never be loaned to a third party ; and such books 
should never be kept a day after they are finished. 



64 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE ; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 



Actions that Are not Proper. 

In seeing two persons talking, never pass between them, but al- 
ways pass behind them ; and if that is impossible, offer an apology. 

A gentleman will never stand with his back to the fire in other's 
company. 

A man's faults should never be mentioned behind his back, nor 
his goodness spoken of before his face. 



CHAPTER THIRTEENTH. 

POLITENESS OF THE CARD TABLE. 

People who are opposed to card playing should never be urged 
to play. 

Never undertake to play unless you have a knowledge of the 
game, for your ignorance may ruffle your partner's temper. 

Who Proposes. 

The host or hostess generally propose cards for amusement, and 
it is their duty to make up a friendly party ; and new cards should 
be used on every occasion. 

.Host and Hostess. 

As they know each other's play, they should never sit at the 
same table either as partners or opponents. 

Don't Hurry. 

AL games of cards require time to think, and it is very impo- 
lite to hurry any one In playing. 

Wagers. 

Never bet on a game of cards, for, if it does not bring trouble, 
it will create ill-feeling with the loser. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 65 

Fingering Cards. 

Always allow your cards to remain on the table until every per- 
son is helped, and when it is your deal, never look at the face of 
the cards, and do not finger with them, as it creates a suspicion 
that you are trying to cheat. 

In playing whist, keep your tongue still, for the game requires 
it. 

Card Knowledge. 

Every person should know a little about all games, so that they 
can contribute to the pleasure of the guests. 

Other Games. 

All other games are controlled by the same rules. 

Kemember that a person with a bad temper never makes a 
player. 



CHAPTER FOURTEENTH. 

POLITENESS IN WEDDING CEREMONIES. 

As marriage is the turning point in the life of every person, 
the ceremonies due to such occasions are of great interest to the. 
young ; and, in the first place, we will say, that the lady always 
names the happy day. 

Wedding Garments. 

It has been the general rule for coming brides to # lay in a stock 
of clothes which will last them for a year or two ; and for some 
weeks before the happy day she is kept constantly busy in pre- 
paring for her married life. Now, this is altogether wrong, for 
the lady needs rest and quiet, and all this fixing, bother and 
trouble beforehand should be abolished by custom. There will be 
plenty of time after the wedding for the bride to amuse herself in 
making her garments. 

Bridal Customs. 

The bride's dress is of pure white, and her bouquet should be of 
white flowers only, which the groomsman presents to her. 

The bridesmaids, which may be from two to six, are similarly 
dressed, and carry bouquets, which are presented by the bride's 
parents. 

How the Bridegroom Should be Dressed. 

It is conventional for the bridegroom to be dressed in a black 
frock coat, light pants and necktie, white vest and gloves, and 
with a bunch of flowers in his button-hole. The groomsmen are 
dressed likewise. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 67 

The Church. 

The bridegroom and his friends reach the church first, and when 
the bride, in the company of her parents, arrives, her coming 
husband assists her to alight. 

The seats nearest the altar are always reserved for the family 
and friends of the bride and bridegroom. 

All visitors, and all those interested in the young couple, should 
be at the church before the bride arrives. 

The first to enter the church in procession are the last brides- 
maid and groomsman, and are followed by the others. The bride 
leaning upon the arm of her father then enters ; and following 
her comes the groom, attended by the bride's mother. 

The bride and bridegroom then face the clergyman on the altar, 
. and their attendants range themselves alongside ; the men with 
the groom, and the maids with the bride. 

The Duties of the First Groomsman. 

The person selected to fill this position must be a man of busi- 
ness, for to him is entrusted the paying of the fees, hiring of car- 
riages, buying of tickets, checking of baggage and acompanying 
them to the point of embarkation on their wedding tour. He also 
introduces the young couple to all who wish to congratulate them. 

The Nuptial Ring. 

The wedding ring should be of eighteen caret gold, half round 
in pattern, and weighing not less than eight pennyweights. The 
initials of the bridal pair, with date of marriage, should be en- 
graved inside. 

In placing the wedding ring upon her finger, the groom re- 
moves the glove from his right hand, and the bride takes off the 
glove from her left hand,which she gives to the first bridesmaid to 
hold. 



63 perfect etiquette; or, how to behave: 

After the Ceremony. 

The parents of the bride speak to her first, and then the parents 
of the groom. 

When leaving the church, the bride and bridegroom lead the 
way, their friends follow, and then the general company come 
last. 

Fees. 

Marriage fees depend on circumstances. Every person gives 
according to his means, but five dollars is the least that is offered. 

The Reception. 

This is always held at the house of the bride, and the guests, in 
congratulating the happy couple, address the bride first. Then 
they should congratulate the husband and wish him God speed on ' 
his new journey in life. 

It is a regular rule for the bride to present her maids with a 
memento of her marriage on the morning of that day. 



CHAPTER FIFTEENTH. 



BIRTHS AND DEATHS. 



On the birth of a child, the lady friends of the mother send their 
congratulations, and may call in person if they so choose. In mak- 
ing inquiries about the health of mother and child, it will not be 
out of place to inquire after the health of the father, for generally 
he is overlooked and unthought of, when the fact is, that he is 
about as much worried as his wife. 

What Follows. 

There is very little to be said about christenings or naming of the 
child ; but I think the time has come when sensible parents will 
put their foot down, and stop calling children by any name that 
ends in "ie ; " for it is of foolish origin, and don't even sound as 
well as the good old Bible or Saxon names. 

Deaths. 

Funerals should be as plain and free from show as possible* and 
all kinds of extravagance should be avoided. 

The notice of a death and the invitation to the funeral, is gener- 
ally made through the newspapers, but sometimes the invitation 
is given by means of a private note, either written or printed, as 
follows: "You are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of 
James Jones, on Wednesday, Sept. 19, 1877, at 3 P. M., from his 

late residence, No. 436 West Eighth street (or from the 

Church), to proceed to the Cemetery. These invitations 

must be delivered by a private messenger. The arrangements for 
the funeral are usually left with the undertaker. 



70 perfect etiquette; or, how to behate. 

Flowers. 

The custom of decking the corpse and coffin with flowers is a 
very beautiful one, but somewhat expensive. White flowers should 
be used. Wreaths are usually placed upon the coffin of young 
people ; upon that of a married person, a cross. 

In Attending a Funeral, 

Wear dark clothing, and do not come before the hour named. 

After the Funeral. 

Guests should not return to the house of mourning after the 
funeral, but be driven directly home. 



CHAPTER SIXTEENTH. , 

DRESS. 

Every man and woman should make themselves look as pleasing 
as possible in appearance. It is a duty we owe ourselves, because 
the general run of people judge a person by the clothes they wear, 
and that being so, we ought to consider our friends, and not dress 
so untidy as to cause them to be ashamed of us. 

In visiting a place of amusement, the gentleman and lady should 
show to the best advantage, in dress and cleanliness, and, in fact, 
every good or agreeable quality we possess should be preserved as 
long as IfFe is in us. 

Cleanliness. 

Cleanliness is not only next to Godliness, but by it, beauty and 
health are retained ; and it is not the squeezing of corsets making 
the shape look delicate that pictures health and beauty, but it is in 
the rounded form of youth, the sparkle of the eye, the clearness 
of the skin, and the rosy cheeks, that gives indication of health. 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 71 

And all Ibis will never be accomplished by tight lacing or other 
inventions of Satan ; but by cleanliness and exercise, beauty and 
health will become fixed facts. 

The Teeth. 

Use no washes or powders, but take a soft brush and Castile 
soap, and brush your teeth inside and out regularly and frequently, 
and it will be impossible for your teeth to look unclean, unless the 
early habit of tobacco chewing has destroyed them. 

Vinegar used as a wash will remove tartar ; and the chewing of 
common parsley will kill the offensive smell of tobacco. 

Our Eyes. 

Nature is the mother of this gift, and they should never be tam- 
pered with, for there is danger of destruction by daubing or color- 
ing the eyelids. As the eye is the window of the soul, and as it 
gives expression to our whole face, it should never be trifled with ; 
but if left alone, will always be beautiful. 

Our Hair. 

A good head of hair is the pride of every one, and to be kept in 
order, it should be brushed often and carefully. The brush should 
be of medium hardness, and the hair should be divided, so 
as the scalp should be brushed also, and all the scurf taken away. 

Pure unscented salad oil is all that is required for the hair, and 
this should be applied with the hands, and rubbed off with flannel 
before going to bed, so as not to stain the pillow. 

Ammonia diluted in water makes a good wash for the head, but 
soap and water is just as good. 

Young "misses should wear their hair short until grown up, and 
then let it grow, when they will have a natural head of hair. n m 

Bald Heads. 

The covering of the head is one of the natural causes of bald- 
ness which is found more often in men than women ; and when- 



72 PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 

ever it is noticed coming on, the silk hat ought to be dispensed 
with and a straw one substituted. 

The Beard. 

Those who shave do well ; but those who do not shave do bet- 
ter. If nature intended for men to shave, she would not have 
been so lavish in providing them with beards, and it is best for 
men not to shave at all, for nothing adds to the beauty of man so 
much as a full flowing beard. 

Our Hands. 

Along, slender hand, with tapering ringers, is the prettiest ; but 
it should be in proportion to the rest of the "body ; its length should 
equal the distance from the point of the chin to the edge of the 
hair on the forehead. 

Washing your hands in milk and water, for two or three days, 
will make them white. 

Avoid dirty nails. 

Do not avoid work, for fear it will make your hands rough. 
The hand that works is more beautiful and worth more than the 
hand that is idle. 

Our Feet. 

Those who have the prettiest feet are those who never wear 
shoes ; like the Irish, Italian and Spanish peasantry. Shoes injure 
the feet ; and it can be said, with safety, that there are very few 
good models of a pretty foot in our country, and more especially 
in cities. 

A perfect foot is broad at the sole, with well spread, toes, and 
each one rounded. The nails are as regular as those on the fin- 
gers ; and the big toe is lifted and stands apart from the rest. 

The soles of shoes are made too narrow, and this is the cause of 
so many bad feet. In getting shoes made, if a person will step in 
his stocking feet on a sheet of paper, and get the shoemaker to 



PERFECT ETIQUETTE; OR, HOW TO BEHAVE. 73 

mark with a pencil the exact size of the foot, and then demand 
that the sole of the shoe must be as wide, he may have healthy feet. 
The high narrow heels worn by many women have been de- 
structive to the beauty and symmetry of their feet. When they 
cease to be worn we shall see more women with pretty feet. 

4 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 



To Remove Freckles. 

Prepare the skin by spreading over it at night a paste composed 
of one ounce of bitter almonds, ditto of barley flour, and a suf- 
ficient quantity of honey to give the paste consistency. Wash off 
in the morning, and during the day apply with a camel's hair-brush 
a lotion compounded thus : One drachm of muriatic acid, half a 
pint of rain-water and a teaspoonful of lavender-water, mixed. 

At night wash the skin with elder- flower water, and apply an 
ointment made by simmering gently one ounce of Venice soap, 
quarter of an ounce of deliquated oil of tartar, and ditto of oil of 
bitter almonds. When it acquires consistency, three drops of oil 
of rhodium may be added. Wash the ointment off in the morning 
with rose-water. 

One ounce of alum, ditto of lemon juice, in a pint of rose-water. 

Scrape horseradish into a cup of cold sour milk ; let it stand 
twelve hours ; strain, and apply two or three times a day. 

Mix lemon- juice one ounce, powdered borax quarter of a 
drachm, sugar half a drachm; keep for a few days in a glass bot- 
tle and apply occasionally. 

Muriate of ammonia half a drachm, lavender-water two drachms, 
distilled water half a pint ; apply two or three times a day. 

Into half pint of milk squeeze the juice of a lemon, with a spoon- 
ful of brandy, and boil, slumming well. Add a drachm of rock 
alum. 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 75 

To Remove Discoloration of the Skin. 

Elder-flower ointment one ounce, sulphate of zinc twenty 
grains ; mix well, and rub into the affected skin at night. In the 
morning wash it off with plenty of soap, and when the grease is 
completely removed apply the following lotion : Infusion of rose- 
petals half a pint, citric acid thirty grains. A.11 local discolora- 
tion s will disappear under this treatment , and if freckles do not 
entirely yield, they will in most instances be greatly ameliorated. 
Should any unpleasant irritation or roughness of the skin follow 
the application, a lotion composed of half a pint of almond mixture 
and half a drachm of Goulard's extract will afford immediate 
relief. 

To Remove Wrinkles. 

Melt white wax one ounce to gentle heat, and add juice of lily 
bulbs two ounces and honey two ounces, rose-water two drachms, 
and attar of roses a drop or two. Use twice a day. 

Use tepid water instead of cold in ablutions. 

Put some powder of best myrrh upon an iron plate sufficiently 
heated to melt the gum gently, and when it liquefies cover your 
head with a napkin and hold your face over the myrrh at a proper 
distance to receive the fumes without inconvenience. Do not use 
it if it causes headache. 

Cold Cream. 

Put into a jar one pint of sweet-oil, half an ounce of spermaceti 
and two ounces of white wax. Melt in a jar by the fire. Add scent. 

Melt together a pint of oil of sweet almonds, one ounce of white 
wax, half an ounce of spermaceti and half a pint of rose-water. 
Beat to a paste. 

To Remove Sunburn. 

Milk of almonds, obtained at th.3 druggist's, is as good a remedy 
as any to use. 



76 TOILETTE' RECIPES. 

To Cure Chilblains. 

When indications of chilblains first present themselves, take 
vinegar three ounces, camphorated spirits of wine one ounce ; mix 
and rub. 

Rub with alum and water. 

Put the hands and feet two or three times a week into warm 
water iu which two or three handfuls of common salt have been 
dissolved. 

Rub with a raw onion dipped in salt. 

To Prevent the Hair from Falling Off. 

Vinegar of cantharides half an ounce, eau-de-cologne one ounce, 
rose-water one ounce. The scalp should be brushed briskly until 
it becomes red, and the lotion should then be applied to the roots 
of the hair twice a day. 

A quarter of a pint of cod-liver oil, two drachms of origanum, 
fifteen drops of ambergris, the same of musk. 

Boxwood shavings six ounces, proof spirits twelve ounces, spirits 
of rosemary two ounces, spirits of nutmeg one-half an ounce. 
Steep the boxwood shavings in the spirits for fourteen days at a 
temperature of 60 deg. ; strain, and add the rest. 

Hair-Curling Fluid. 

The various fluids advertised and recommended for the purpose 
of giving straight hair a tendency to curl are all impositions. The 
only curling-fluid of any service is a very weak solution of ising- 
glass, which will hold the curl in the position in which it is placed 
if care is taken that it follows the direction in which the hair 
naturally falls. 

One of the fluids in use is made by dissolving a small portion of 
beeswax in an ounce of olive oil and adding scent according to 
fancy. 

Bandoline. 

This essential for the toilette is prepared in several ways. 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 77 

Simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of water for forty 
minutes ; strain, cool, add a few drops of scent, and bottle, cork- 
ing tightly. 

Take of gum tragacanth one and a half drachms, water half a 
pint, rectified spirits mixed with an equal quantity of water three 
ounces, and a little scent. Let the mixture stand for a day or two, 
then strain. 

It may be made of Iceland moss, a quarter of an ounce boiled 
in a quart of water, and a little rectified spirit added, so that it 
may keep. 

Ijip-Salve. 

This indispensable adjunct to the toilette may be made by melt- 
ing in a jar placed in a basin of boiling water, a quarter of an ounce 
each of white wax and spermaceti, flour of benzoin fifteen grains, 
and half an ounce of oil of almonds. Stir till the mixture is cool. 
Color red with a little alkanet root. 

Rose-Water. 

Rose-water may be made by taking half an ounce of powdered 
white sugar and two drachms of magnesia ; with these mix twelve 
drops of attar of roses. Add a quart of water and two ounces of 
alcohol, mixed in a gradual manner, and filter through blotting- 
paper. 

Burns. 

An application of cold, wet common whitening, placed on 
immediately, is recommended as an invaluable remedy. 

Sticking-Plaster. 

Stretch a piece of black silk on a wooden frame, and apply dis- 
solved isinglass to one side of it with a brush. Let it dry, repeat 
the process, and then cover with a strong tincture of balsam of 
Peru. 



78 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

To Acquire a Bright and Smooth Skin. 

Tepid bath and harsh towel. Air and exercise. Tepid water 
and bran. Infuse wheat-bran, well sifted, for four hours in white 
wine vinegar ; add to it five yolks of eggs and two grains of am- 
bergris, and distill the whole. It should be carefully corked for 
twelve or fifteen days. Constant application. 

Distill two handfuls of jessamine flowers in a quart of rose- 
water and a quart of orange-water. Strain through porous paper, 
and add a scruple of musk and a scruple of ambergris. 

To Improve the Complexion. 

The whites of four eggs boiled in rose-water, half an ounce of 
alum, half an ounce of oil of sweet almonds ; beat the whole to- 
gether until it assumes the consistency of paste. Spread upon a 
silk or muslin mask, to be worn at night. 

Take a small piece of the gum benzoin and boil it in spirits of 
wine till it becomes a rich tincture. Fifteen drops poured into a 
glass of water ; wash and leave to dry. 

For Roughness of the Skin. 

Mix two parts of white brandy with one part of rose-water, and 
wash the faee night and morning. 

Take equal parts of the seed of the melon, pumpkin, gourd and 
cucumber, pounded until they are reduced to powder ; add to it 
sufficient fresh cream to dilute the flour, and then add milk enough 
to reduce the whole to a thin paste. Add a grain of musk and a 
few drops of the oil of lemon. Anoint the face with this ; leave 
it on twenty or thirty miuutes, or over night if convenient, and 
wash off with warm water. It gives a remarkable purity and 
brightness to the complexion. 

Steep the pimpernel plant in pure rain-water, and bathe the face 
with the decoction. 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 79 

To Soften the Hands. 

Take half a pound of soft-soap, a gill of salad oil, an ounce of 
mutton tallow, and boil them till they are thoroughly mixed. 
After the boiling has ceased, but before the mixture is cold, add 
one gill of spirits of wine and a grain of musk. Anoint the hands, 
draw on gloves, and let them remain till morning. 

For Rough and Chapped Hands. 

Lemon-juice three ounces, white wine vinegar three ounces, and 
white brandy one-half a pint. 

To Preyent Hair Turning Gray. 

Oxide of bismuth four drachms, spermaceti four drachms, pure 
hog's lard four ounces. Melt the two last and add the first. 

To Soften and Beautify the Hair. 

Beat up the whites of four eggs into a froth, and rub thor- 
oughly in close to the roots of the hair. Leave it to dry on. Then 
wash the head and hair clean with a mixture of equal parts of 
rum and rose-water. 

To Remove Pimples. 

Sulphur- water one ounce, acetated liquor of ammonia one-quar- 
ter of an ounce, liquor of potassa one grain, white wine vinegar 
two ounces, distilled water two ounces. Bathe the face. 

Pimples are sometimes removed by frequent washings in warm 
water and prolonged friction with a towel. 

To Remove Tan. 

New milk half a pint, lemon-juice one-fourth of an ounce, white 
brandy half an ounce. Boil the whole, and skim clear from 
scum. Use night and morning. 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 

Chapped Lips. 

Oil of roses four ounces, white wax one ounce, spermaceti one- 
half an ounce. Melt in a glass vessel and stir with a wooden spoon. 
Pour into a glass or china cup. 

Cure for Corns, 

Take nightshade berries, boil them in hog's lard, and anoint the 
corn with the salve. 

One teaspoonf ul of tar, one teaspoonful of coarse brown sugar 
and one teaspoonful of saltpetre, the whole to be warmed together. 
Spread it on kip leather the size of the corns, and in two days they 
will be drawn out. 

Remedy for Black Teeth, 

Take equal parts of cream of tartar and salt; pulverize it and 
mix it well. Then wash your teeth in the morning, and rub them 
with the powder. 

To Clean the Teeth and Gums, 

Tal r e one ounce of myrrh in fine powder, two tablespoonsful of 
honey, and a little green sage in very flue powder. Mix them well 
together, and wet the teeth and gums with a little every night and 
morning. 

Pomade Against Baldness. 

Take of extract of yellow Peruvian bark fifteen grains, extract of 
rhatany-root eight grains, extract of burdock-root and oil of nut- 
megs (fixed) of each two drachms, camphor (dissolved with spirits 
of wine) fifteen grains, beef-marrow two ounces, best olive oil one 
ounce, citron- juice one-half a drachm, aromatic essential oil as 
much as sufficient to render it fragrant. Mix and make into an 
ointment. 

Cologne, 

Take one gallon of spirits of wine, and add of the oil of lemon, or- 
ange and bergamot each a spoonful, also add extract of vanilla 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 81 

forty drops. Shake until the oils are cut, then add a pint and a half 
of soft water. 

Take two drachms each of oil of lemon, oil of rosemary and oil of 
bergamot, one drachm of oil of lavender, ten drops each of oil of 
ciunamon and oil of cloves, two drops of oil of rose, eight drops of 
tincture of musk, and one quart of alcohol or spirits of wine. Mix 
all together, when it will be ready for use. The older it gets, the 
better. 

Take one gallon of ninety per cent, alcohol, and add to it one 
ounce each of oil of bergamot and oil of orange, two drachms of oil 
of cedrat, one drachm each of oil of neroli and oil of rosemary. 
Mix well, and it is fit for use. 

Ox-Marrow Pomatum. 

Take two ounces of yellow wax and twelve ounces of beef-mar- 
row. Melt all together, and when sufficiently cool perfume 
it with the essential oil of almonds. 

How to Make Shoes and Boots Waterproof. 

Take neats' foot oil and dissolve in it caoutchouc (India rubber), 
a sufficient quantity to form a kind of varnish ; rub this on your 
boots or shoes. The oil must be placed where it is warm, and the 
caoutchouc put into it in parings. It will take several days to dis- 
solve. 

To Clean Kid Gloves. 

Put the gloves on your hands and wash them, as if you were 
washing your hands, in some spirits of turpentine, until quite 
clean ; then hang them up in a warm place or where there is a 
current of air, and all smell of the turpentine will be removed. 

Wash them with soap and water, then stretch them on .wooden 

hands or pull them into shape without wringing them ; next rub 

them with pipe-clay or yellow ochre, or a mixture of the two, in 

any required shade, made into a paste with beer ; let them dry 

4* 



82 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

gradually, and when about half dry rub them well, so as to smooth 
them and put them into shape ; then dry them, brush out the super- 
fluous color, cover them with paper and smooth them with a warm 
iron. Other colors may be employed to mix the pipe-clay besides 
yellow ochre. 

By rubbing gloves with a clean cloth dipped in milk and then 
rubbed on brown Windsor soap you may restore them to a very 
fair state of cleanliness. 

To Remove A Tight King. 

When a ring happens to get tightly fixed on the finger, as it will 
sometimes do, a piece of common twine should be well soaped, 
and then be wound round the finger as tightly as possible or as can 
be borne. The twine should commence at the point of the finger 
and be continued till the ring is reached ; the end of the twine 
must then be forced through the ring with the head of a needle, or 
anything else that may be at hand. If the string is then unwound, 
the ring is almost sure to come off the finger with it. 

To Loosen Stoppers of Toilet-Bottles. 

Let a drop of pure oil flow round the stopper, and stand the 
bottle a foot or two from the fire. After a time tap the stopper 
smartly, but not too hard, with the handle of a hair-brush ; if this 
is not effectual, use a fresh drop of oil and repeat the process. It 
is pretty sure to succeed. 

Cleaning Jewelry. 

Gold ornaments are best kept bright and clean with soap and 
warm water, with which they should be scrubbed, a soft nail- 
brush being used for the purpose. They may be dried in box saw- 
dust, In a bed of which it is desirable to let them lie before the 
fire for a time. Imitation jewelry may be treated in the same way. 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 83 

Cleaning Silver. 

For cleaning silver, either articles of personal wear or those per- 
taining to the toilette-table or dressing-case, there is nothing better 
than a spoonful of common whitening, carefully pounded so as to 
be without lumps, reduced to a paste with gin. 

To Remove Grease-spots. 

French chalk is useful for removing grease-spots from clothing. 
Spots on silk will sometimes yield if a piece of blotting-paper is 
placed over them and the blade of a knife is heated (not too much) 
and passed over the paper. 

To Clean Kid Boots. 

Mix a little white of egg and ink in a bottle, so that the compo- 
sition may be well shaken up when required for use. Apply to 
the kid with a piece of sponge and rub dry. The best thing to 
rub with is the palm of the hand. When the kid shows symptoms 
of cracking, rub in a few drops of sweet oil. Th-e soles and heels 
should be polished with common blacking. 

To Clean Patent-leather Boots. 

In cleaning patent-leather boots, first remove all the dirt 
upon them with a sponge or flannel ; then the boot should be rub- 
bed lightly over with a paste consisting of two spoonfuls of cream 
and one of linseed-oil, both of which require to be warmed before 
being mixed. Polish with a soft cloth. 

To Remove Stains and Spots froni Silk. 

Boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of powdered alum 
for a short time, and pour it into a vessel to cool. Warm it for 
use, and wash the stained part with it and leave to dry. 

Wash the soiled part with ether, and the grease will dis- 
appear. 



84 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

We often find that lemon-juice, vinegar, oil of vitriol and 
other sharp corrosives stain dyed garments. Sometimes, by add- 
ing a little pearlash to a soap-lather and passing the silks through 
these, the faded color will be restored. Pearlash and warm water 
will sometimes do alone, but it is the most efficacious to use the 
soap-lather and pearlash together. 

Toothache Preventive. 

Use flowers of sulphur as a tooth-powder every night, rubbiDg 
the teeth and gums with a rather hard Jooth-brush. If done after 
dinner too, all the better. It preserves the teeth and does not 
communicate any smell whatever to the mouth. 

To Take Mildew out of Linen. 

Wet the linen which contains the mildew with soft water, rub 
it well with white soap, then scrape some fine chalk to powder and 
rub it well into the linen ; lay it out on the grass in the sunshine, 
watching to keep it damp with soft water. Repeat the process the 
next day, and in a few hours the mildew will entirely disappear. 

Cure for Ingrowing Nails on Toes. 

Take a little tallow and put it into a spoon, and heat it over a 
lamp until it becomes very hot ; then pour it on the sore or granu- 
lation. The effect will be almost magical. The pain and tender- 
ness will at once be relieved. The operation causes very little 
pain, if the tallow is perfectly heated. Perhaps a repetition may 
be necessary in some cases. 

Certain Cure for a Felon. 

Take a pint of common soft soap, and stir in it air-slaked lime, 
till it is of the consistency of glazier's putty. Make a leather 
thimble, fill it with this composition and insert the finger therein, 
B&d change the composition once in twenty minutes, and a cure is 
certain. 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 85 

Cure for the Croup 

A piece of fresh lard as large as a butternut, rubbed up with 
sugar in the same way that butter and sugar are prepared for the 
dressing of puddings, divided into three parts and given at intervals 
of twenty minutes, will relieve any case of croup which has not al- 
ready progressed to the fatal point. 

To make Simple Cerate. 

Take one pound of white wax, and four pounds of lard or mut- 
ton suet ; melt them with a gentle heat, and stir well until cool. 
Yellow wax will answer the same purpose. 

Remedy for Cough or Cold. 

Three eggs and four lemons. Slice the lemons and crush the 
eggs. Add one-half a pound of rock candy and two ounces of 
olive-oil. A teaspoonful three or four times a day. 

To Remove Grease-spots from Woolen Cloths. 

Take one quart of spirits of wine or alcohol, twelve drops of 
wintergreen, one gill of beef -gall and six cents' worth of lavender. 
A little alkanet to color if you wish. Mix. 

To Clean Woolen Cloth. 

Take equal parts of spirits of hartshorn and ether. Ox-gall 
mixed with it makes it better. 

To Take Ink spots from Linen. 

Take a piece of mould candle of the finest kind, melt it, and 
dip the spotted part of the linen in the melted tallow. Then throw 
the linen into the wash. 

To Remove Fruit-stains. 

Moisten the parts stained with cold water ; then hold it over the 
smoke of burning brimstone, and the stain will disappear. 
This recipe will serve for iron mould also. 



86 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

Protection Against Moths. 

A small piece of paper or linen moistened with turpentine and 
put into the wardrobe or drawers for a single day two or three 
times a year is a sufficient preservative against moths. 

How to Whiten Linen. 

Stains occasioned by fruit, iron rust and other similar causes may 
be removed by applying to the parts injured a weak solution of the 
chloride of lime, the cloth having been previously well washed. 
The parts subjected to this operation should be subsequently well 
rinsed in soft, clear, warm water, without soap, and be immediate- 
ly dried in the sun. 

Oxalic acid diluted by water will accomplish the same end. 

To Take Stains Out of Silk. 

Mix together in a vial two ounces of essence of lemon and one 
ounce of oil of turpentine. Grease and other spots in silk must be 
rubbed gently with a linen rag dipped in the above composition. 

To .Remove Acid-stains from Silk. 

Apply, with a soft rag, spirits of hartshorn. 

To Remove Stains from White Cotton Goods. 

For mildew, rub in salt and some buttermilk, and expose it to 
the influence of a hot sun. Chalk and soap or lemon-juice and 
salt are also good. As fast as the spots become dry more should 
be rubbed on, and the garment should be kept in the sun until the 
spots disappear. Some one of the preceding things will extract 
most kinds of stains, but a hot sun is necessary to render any one 
of them effectual. 

Scalding water will remove fruit-stains. So also will hartshorn 
diluted with warm water, but it will be necessary to apply it several 
times. 

Common salt rubbed on fruit-stains before they become dry will 
id them. 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 87 

. Colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on them should be 
soaked in lukewarm sour milk. 

To Remove Spots of Pitch or Tar. 

Scrape off all the pitch or tar you can, then saturate the spots 
with sweet-oil or lard ; rub it in well, and let it remain in a warm 
place for an hour. 

To Extract Paint from Garments. 

Saturate the spot with spirits of turpentine, let it remain a 
number of hours, then rub it between the hands ; it will crumble 
away without injury either to the texture or color of any kind of 
woolen, cotton or silk goods. 

To Clean Silks and Ribbons. 

Take equal quantities of soft lye-soap, alcohol or gin, and mo- 
lasses. Lay the silk on a clean table without creasing ; rub on 
the mixture with a flannel cloth. Rinse the silk well in cold clear 
water, and hang it up to dry without wringing. Iron it, before it 
gets dry, on the wrong side. Silks and ribbons treated in this 
way will look very nice. 

Camphene will, extract grease, and clean ribbons without chang- 
ing the color of most things. They should be dried in the open 
air and ironed when pretty dry. 

The water in which pared potatoes have been boiled is very 
good to wash black silks in ; it stiffens and makes them glossy and 
black. 

Soap-suds answer very well. They should be washed in two 
suds and not rinsed in clean water. 

Remedy for Burnt Kid or Leather Shoes. 

If a lady has had the misfortune to put her shoes or slippers too 
near the stove, and thus got them burned, she can make them 



88 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

nearly as good as ever by spreading soft-soap upon them while 
they are still hot, and then, when they are cold, washing it off. 
It softens the leather and prevents it drawing up. 

To Choose Good foack Silk. 

Pull out a thread of the filling and see if it is strong. 
If it stands the test, then rub one corner of the silk in the hands 
as though washing it. After this operation, if it be good 
silk, it will, upon being brushed out, look as smooth as ever. If, on 
holding it up to the light, and looking through it, you see no 
traces of the rubbing, be sure the silk is good. The warp and 
filling should not differ much in size, or it will not wear well. If 
you choose a figured silk, let the figures be small and well woven 
in, else it will soon present a frayed appearance, and you will have 
to pick off the little tags of silk that will dot the breadths. 

How to Wasli a Nubia. 

These pretty fleecy things are often ruined in the first washing. 
Yet it is possible to wash them and have them look almost as well 
as ever. First braid the tassels, then make a hot suds with fine 
Castile soap, and instead of rubbing or wringing it with the hands, 
•run it through the wringing-machine. Then open the nubia as 
widely as possible and spread it on some clean place to dry. A 
bed is a good place for this. After it is thoroughly dry take the 
braid out of the tassels, and the pretty little waves will be in 
them just as before washing. It is the rubbing and the twisting 
of a nubia, or any knit article, which damages it, and niah 
look old and worn instead of looking light, airy and fleecy, as it 
does M first. If any article of this kind is torn, it should be 
mended carefully with crewel or fine silk of a corresponding color. 

Then dampen the place repaired, lay a paper over it, and press the 

Spot with a warm iron. 



TOILETTK RECIPES. 89 

How to Wash Laces. 

Take an old wine-bottle and cover it with the cut-off leg of a 
soft, firm stocking, sewing it tightly above and below. Then 
wind the soiled collar or lace smoothly around the covered bottle ; 
take a fine needle and thread and sew very carefully around the 
outer edge of the collar, catching every loop fast to the stocking. 
Then shake the bottle up and down in a pailful of warm soap-suds, 
occasionally rubbing the soiled places with a soft sponge. It can 
be rinsed after the same manner. It must be rinsed well. When 
the lace is clean, then apply a very weak solution of gum arabic 
and stand the bottle in the sunshine to dry. Rip off the lace very 
carefully when perfectly dry. Instead of ironing, lay it between 
the white leaves of a heavy book ; or, if you are in a hurry, iron 
on flannel between a few thicknesses of fine muslin. Done up in 
this way, lace collars will wear longer, stay clean longer, and have 
a rich, new, lacy look that they will not have otherwise. 

How to Darken Faded False Hair. 

The switches, curls and frizzes which fashion demands should be 
worn will fade in course of time ; and though they matched the 
natural hair perfectly at first, they will finally present a lighter tint. 
If the hair is brown, this can be remedied. Obtain a yard of dark- 
brown calico. Boil it until the color has well come out into the 
water. Then into this water dip the hair, and take it out and dry 
it. Repeat the operation until it shall be of the required depth of 
shade. 

Putting Away Furs for the Summer, 

When you are ready to put away furs and woolens, and want to 
guard against the depredations of moths, pack them securely in 
paper flour-sacks and tie them up well. This is better than cam- 
phor or tobacco or snuff scattered among them in chests and 
drawers. Before putting your muffs away for the summer twirl 



90 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

them by the cords at the ends, so that every hair will straighten. 
Put them in their boxes and paste a strip of paper where the lid 
fits on. 

To Keep Hair in Curl. 

To keep hair in curl, take a few quince-seed, boil them in 
water, and add perfumery if you like ; wet the hair with this, and 
it will keep in curl longer than from the use of any other prepar- 
ation. It is also good to keep the hair in place on the forehead on 
going out in the wind. 

Protection Against Moths. 

Dissolve two ounces of camphor in half a pint each of alcohol, 
and spirits of turpentine ; keep in a stone bottle and shake before 
using. Dip blotting-paper in the liquid, and place in the box with 
the articles to be preserved. 



WASHINGTON'S MAXIMS. 



Mr. Sparks lias given to the public a collection of Washington's 
directions as to personal conduct, which he called his " Rules of 
Civility and Decent Behavior in Company." We give these rules 
entire, as they cannot fail to both interest and profit the reader : 

1. Every action in company ought to be with some sign of re- 
spect to those present. 

2. In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming 
voice, nor drum with your fingers or feet. 

3. Speak not when others speak, sit not when others stand, and 
walk not when others stop. 

4. Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking ; jog not 
the table or desk on which another reads or writes ; lean not on 
any one. 

5. Be no flatterer, neither play with any one that delights not to 
be played with. 

6. Read no letters, books or papers in company ; but when there 
is a necessity for doing it, you must not leave. Come not near the 
books or writings of any one so as to read them unasked ; also look 
not nigh when another is writing a letter. 

7. Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters 
somewhat grave. 

8. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though 
he were your enemy. 



92 Washington's maxims. 

9. They that are in dignity or office have in all places precedency, 
but whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are 
their equals in birth or other qualities, though they have no public 
charge. 

10. It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before 
ourselves, especially if they be above us, with whom in no sort 
w r e ought to begin. 

It. Let your discourse with men of business be short and com- 
prehensive. 

12. In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if 
you be not knowing therein. 

13. In writing or speaking give to every person his due title 
according to his degree and the custom of the place. 

14. Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always sub- 
mit your judgment to others with modesty. 

15. Undertake not to teach your equals in the art he himself 
professes ; it savors of arrogancy. 

16. When a man does all he can, though it succeeds not well, 
blame not him that did it. 

17. Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it 
ought to be in public or in private, presently or at some other 
time, also in what terms to do it ; and in reproving show no signs 
of choler, but do it with sweetness aud mildness. 

18. Mock not nor jest at anything of importance ; break no jests 
that are sharp or biting ; and if you deliver anything witty or 
pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself. 

19. Wherein yon reprove another be unblamable yourself, for 
example is more prevalent than precept. 

20. Use no reproachful language against any one, neither curses 
nor revilii: 

21. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement 
of any one. 

22. la your apparel be modest, and endeavor to accommodate 



Washington's maxims. 93 

nature rather than procure admiration. Keep to the fashion of 
your equals, such as are civil and orderly with respect to time and 
place. 

23. Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see 
if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings set 
neatly and clothes handsomely. 

24. Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem 
your own reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad com- 
pany. 

25. Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a 
sign of tractable and commendable nature ; and in all causes of 
passion admit reason to govern. 

26. Be not immodest in urging your friend to discover a secret. 

27. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and 
learned men, nor very difficult questions or subjects amongst the 
ignorant, nor things hard to be believed. 

28. Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth nor at the table ; 
speak not of melancholy things, as death and wounds ; and if oth- 
ers mention them, change, if you can, the discourse. Tell not 
your dreams but to your intimate friends. 

29. Break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth. Laugh 
not aloud, nor at all without occasion. Deride no man's misfor- 
tunes, though there seem to be some cause. 

30. Speak not injurious words, neither in jest or earnest. Scoff 
at none, although they give occasion. 

31. Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to 
salute, hear and answer, and be not pensive when it is time to 
converse. 

32. Detract not from others, but neither be excessive in com- 
mending. 

33. Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be 
welcome or not. Give not advice without being asked ; and when 
desired, do it briefly. 



94 Washington's maxims. 

34. If two contend together, take not the part of either uncon- 
strained, and be not obstinate in your opinion ; in things indifferent 
be of the major side. 

35. Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs 
to parents, masters and superiors. 

36. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not 
how they came. What you may speak in secret to, your friend de- 
liver not before others. 

37. Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, but in your 
own language ; and that as those of quality do, and not as the vul- 
gar. Sublime matters treat seriously. 

38. Think before you speak ; pronounce not imperfectly, nor 
bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly. 

39. When another speaks, be attentive yourself, and disturb not 
the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not, nor 
prompt him without being desired ; interrupt him not, nor answer 
him till his speech be ended. 

40. Treat with men at fit times about business, and whisper not 
in the company of others. 

41. Make no comparisons ; and if any of the company be commend- 
ed for any brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same. 

42. Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. 
In discoursing of things you have heard, name not your author 
always. A secret discover not. 

43. Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither ap- 
proach to those that speak in private. 

44. Undertake not what you cannot perform; but be careful to 
keep your promise. 

45. When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and indis- 
cretion, however mean the person may be you do it to. 

46. When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them ; neither 
speak or laugh. 

47. In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as Dot to give 



Washington's maxims. 95 

liberty to each one to deliver his opinion, and submit to the judg 
ment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the 
dispute. 

48. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor 
repeat often the same matter of discourse. 

49. Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust. 

50. Be not angry at table, whatever happens ; and if you have 
reason to be so show it not ; put on a cheerful countenance, es- 
pecially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish a 
feast. 

51. Set not yourself at the upper end of the table ; but if it be 
your due, or the master of the house will have it so, contend not, 
lest you should trouble the company. 

52. When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously, 
in reverence and honor, and obey your natural parents. 

53. Let your recreations be manful, not sinful. 

54. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celes- 
tial fire called conscience. 



ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 



The celebration of anniversaries of the wedding-day is a very 
pleasant custom which is coming gradually into favor. Special 
anniversaries are designated by special names, indicative of the 
presents suitable on each occasion. 

The Paper Wedding. 

Thus, the first anniversary is called the paper wedding. The 
invitations to this wedding should be issued on a gray paper, repre- 
senting thin cardboard. 

Presents from the guests are appropriate, but by no means ob- 
ligatory. These presents, if given, should be solely of articles 
made of paper. Thus, books, boxes of note-paper, and envelopes, 
sheets of music, engravings and delicate knic-knacks of papier 
rnache will be provided for this occasion. 

The Wooden Wedding. 

The wooden wedding is the fifth anniversary of the marriage. 
The invitations for this wedding, if it is desired to make them ap- 
propriate to the occasion, should be upon thin cards of wood. Or 
they may be written on a sheet of wedding note-paper, and a card 
of wood enclosed in the envelope. 

The presents suitable to this occasion are most numerous, and 
may range from a wooden paper-knife or trifling article for kitchen 
use up to a complete set of parlor or chamber furniture. 

The Tin Wedding. 

The tenth anniversary of the marriage is called the tin wedding. 
The Invitations for this anniversary may be made upon cards eov- 



ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 97 

ered with tin-foil, or upon the ordinary wedding note-paper, with 
a tin card enclosed. 

The guests, if they desire to accompany their congratulations 
with appropriate presents, have the whole list o'f articles manufac- 
tured hy the tinner's art from which to select. 

The Crystal Wedding. 

Next comes the crystal wedding, on the fifteenth anniversary. 
Invitations to this wedding may be on thin transparent paper, 
on colored sheets of prepared gelatine, or on ordinary wedding 
note-paper, enclosing a sheet of mica. 

The guests will make their offerings to their host and hostess of 
trifles of glass, which may be more or less valuable, as the donor 
feels inclined. 

The China Wedding. 

The china wedding occurs on the twentieth anniversary of the 
wedding-day. Invitations to this anniversary wedding should be 
issued on exceedingly fine, semi-transparent note-paper or cards. 

Various articles for the dining or tea-table or for the toilet-stand, 
vases or mantel ornaments, all are appropriate on this occasion 

The Silver Wedding. 

The silver wedding occurs on the twenty-fifth marriage anni- 
versary. The invitations issued for this wedding should be upon 
the finest note-paper, printed in bright silver, with monogram or 
crest upon both paper and envelope, in silver also. 

If presents are offered by any of the guests, tbey should be of 
silver, and may be the merest trifles or more expensive, .as the 
means and inclinations of the donors incline. 

The Golden Wedding. 

The close of the fiftieth year of married life brings round the 

appropriate time for the golden wedding. Fifty years of married 

happiness may indeed be crowned with gold. 

5 



98 ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 






The invitations for this anniversary celebration should be 
printed on the finest note-paper in gold, with crest or monogram 
on both paper and envelope in highly burnished gold. The pres- 
ents, if any are offered, are also in gold. 

The Diamond Wedding. 

Few indeed may celebrate their diamond wedding. This should 
be held on the seventy-fifth anniversary of the marriage-day. So 
rare are these occurrences, that custom has sanctioned no particular 
style or form to be observed in the invitations. These invitations 
might be issued upon diamond-shaped cards, enclosed in envelopes 
of a corresponding shape. There can be no general offering of 
presents at such a wedding, since diamonds in any number are 
beyond the means of most persons. 

Presents at Anniversary Weddings. 

It is not at all required that an invitation to an anniversary wed- 
ding be acknowledged by a valuable gift, or indeed by any. The 
donors on such occasions are usually only members of the family 
or intimate friends. 

On the occasion of golden or silver weddings it is not amiss to 
have printed at the bottom of th ! invitation the words, " No pres- 
ents," or to enclose a card announcing — 

4 'It is preferred that no wedding-gifts be offered." 

It is not amiss, though not at all obligatory, at the earlier anniver- 
saries to present trifles in paper, wood, tin, glass or china, which, 
if well chosen, often add to the amusement and sociability of the 
evening. 

Invitations to Anniversary Weddings. 

The invitations to anniversary weddings may vary somewhat 
bl their wordings, according to the fancy of the writer, but they 



ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 99 

are all similar. They should give the date of the marriage and the 

anniversary. They may or may not give the name of the husband 

at the right-hand side and the maiden name of the wife at the left. 

What the anniversary is should also be indicated. 

The following form will serve as a model : 

1849-1874. 

The pleasure of your company is requested at the 

Silver Wedding Reception 

of 

Mr. and Mrs. H. T. Williams, 

On Thursday Evening, November 13£#, at nine o'clock. 

675 Fifth avenue. 
R. S. V. P. 
A variation of the dates and an insertion, in the place of the 
word " silver, "of " paper," " wooden," " tin," cl crystal," " china," 
1 ' golden" or ''diamond," will make this form equally suitable for 
any of the other anniversary weddings. 

Marriage Ceremony at Anniversary Weddings. 

It is not unusual to have the marriage ceremony repeated at 
these anniversaiy weddings, especially at the silver or golden wed- 
ding. The earlier anniversaries are almost too trivial occasions 
upon which to introduce this ceremony, especially as the parties 
may not yet have had sufficient time to discover whether an ap- 
plication to the divorce court may not yet be thought necessary by 
one or the other. But there is a certain impressiveness in seeing a 
husband and wife who have remained faithful to each other for a 
quarter or half a century publicly renewing their vows of fidelity 
and love, winch then can only mean •' till death us do part." The 
clergyman who officiates at this ceremony will, of course, so change 
the exact words of the marriage ceremony as to render them per- 
fectly appropriate to the occasion. 



LORD CHESTERFIELD'S SENTENCES AND MAXIMS. 



The Art of Speaking. 

You cannot but be convinced, that a man who speaks and writes 
with elegance and grace ; who makes choice of good words ; and 
adorns and embellishes the subject upon which he either speaks 
or writes, will persuade better, and succeed more easily in obtain- 
ing what he wishes, than a man who does not explain himself 
clearly ; speaks his language ill ; or makes use of low and vulgar 
expressions; and who has neither grace nor elegance in anything 
that he sa}'s. 

The Foily of Ignorance. 

An ignorant man is insignificant and contemptible ; nobody 
cares for his company, and he can just be said to live, and that is 
all. There is a very pretty French epigram upon the death of such 
an ignorant, insignificant fellow, the sting of which is, that all 
that can be said of him is, that he was once alive, and that he is 
now dead. 

Humanity* 

[tig certain that humanity is the particular characteristic < 1" a 

mind; Little, vicious minds are full of anger and revenge, 

and are Incapable of f< cling the exalted pleasure of forgiving their 

enemies, and of best marks of favor and generosity upon 

of whom they have gotten the Lx I 



chesterfield's maxims, etc. 101 

Virtue. 

Virtue is a subject that deserves your and every man's attention ; 
and suppose I were to bid you make some verses, or give me your 
thoughts in prose, upon the subject of virtue, how would } r ou go 
about it ? >Vhy you would first consider what virtue is, and then 
what are the effects and marks of it, both with regard to others 
and one's self. You would find, then, that virtue consists in doing 
good, and in speaking truth • and that the effects of it are advan- 
tageous to all mankind, and to one's self in particular. Virtue 
makes us pity and relieve the misfortunes of mankind ; it makes 
us promote justice and good order in society: and, in general, 
contributes to whatever tends to the real good of mankind. To 
ourselves it gives an inward comfort and satisfaction, which 
nothing else can do, and which nothing can rob us of. All other 
advantages depend upon others, as much as upon ourselves. Rich- 
es, power and greatness may be taken away from us by the vio- 
lence and injustice of others or inevitable accidents, but virtue 
depends only on ourselves and nobody can take it away. 

Politeness a Necessity. 

Know then, that as learning, honor and virtue are absolutely 
necessary to gain you the esteem and admiration of mankind ; 
politeness and good breeding are equally necessary, to make you 
welcome and agreeable in conversation, and common life. Great 
talents, such as honor, virtue, learning and parts, are above the 
generality of the world; who neither possess them themselves, 
nor judge of them rightly in others: but all people are judges of 
the lesser talents, such as civility, affability, and an obliging, agree- 
able address and manner ; because they feel the good effects of 
them, as making society easy and pleasing. 

Rudeness and Civility. 

I dare say I need not tell you how rude it is, to take the best 
place in a room, or to seize* immediately upon what you like at 



102 chesterfield's maxims, etc. 

table, without offering first to help others ; as if you considered 
nobody but yourself. On the contrary, you should always endeav- 
or to procure all the conveniences you can to the people you are 
with. Besides being civil, which is absolutely necessary, the per- 
fection of good breeding is, to be civil with ease, and in a gentle- 
manlike manner. For this, you should observe the French people ; 
who excel in it, and whose politeness seems as easy and natural as 
any other part of their conversation. Whereas, the English are 
often awkward in their civilities, and, when they mean to be civil, 
are too much ashamed to get it out. 

Manner. — Absence. — Awkwardness. — Attention. 

However trifling a genteel manner may souud, it is of very great 
consequence towards pleasing in private life, especially the women ; 
whom, one time or other, you will think worth pleasing ; and I have 
known many a man, from his awkwardness, give people such a dis- 
like of him at first, that all his merit could not get the better of it 
afterwards. Whereas, a genteel manner prepossesses people in your 
favor, bends them towards you, and makes them wish to like you. 
Awkwardness can proceed but from two causes : either from not 
having kept good company, or from not having attended to it. 

There is, likewise, an awkwardness of expression and words, 
most carefully to be avoided ; such as false English, bad pronun- 
ciation, old sayings and common proverbs ; which are so many 
proofs of having kept bad and low company. For example : if 
instead of saying that tastes are different, and that every man has 
his own peculiar one, you should let off a proverb, and say, that 
"What is one's man's meat is another man's poison ; " or else, 
11 Every one as they like, as the good man said when he kissed his 
cow; " every body would be persuaded that you had never kept 
Company with anybody above footmen and housemaids. 

Attention will do all this ; and without attention nothing is to 
be done ; want of attention, which is really want of thought, is 



chesterfield's maxims, etc. 103 

either folly or madness. You should not only have attention to 
everything, but a quickness of attention, so as to observe, at once, 
all the people in the room ; their motions, their looks and their 
words ; and yet without staring at them and seeming to be an ob- 
server. This quick and unobserved observation is of infinite ad- 
vantage in life, and is to be acquired with care ; and, on the con- 
trary, what is called absence, which is a thoughtlessness and want 
of attention about what is doing, makes a man so like either a 
fool or a madman, that, for my part, I see no real difference. A 
fool never has thought, a madman has lost it ; and an absent man 
is, for the time, without it. 

Letter Writing. 

Let your letter be written as accurately as you are able ; I mean 
with regard to language, grammar and stops , for as to the matter 
of it, the less trouble you give yourself the better it will be. 
Letters should be easy and natural, and convey to the persons to 
whom we send them, just what we should say to the persons if 
we were with them. 

Dancing Trifling. 

Dancing is in itself a very trifling, silly thing ; but it is one of 
those established follies to which people of sense are sometimes 
obliged to conform ; and then they should be able to do it well. 
And though I would not have you a dancer, yet when you do dance, 
I would have you dance well, as I would have you do every thing you 
do well. There is no one thing so trifling, but which (if it is to be 
done at all) ought to be done well. And I have often told you, 
that I wished you even played at pitch and cricket, better than 
any boy at Westminster. For i istance • dress is a very foolish 
thing ; and yet it is a very foolisli thing for a man not to be well 
dressed, according to his rank aid way of life; and it is so far 
from being a disparagement to any man's understanding, that it is 



104 chesterfield's maxims, etc. 

rather a proof of it, to be as well dressed as those whom he lives 
with ; the difference in this ease between a man of sense and a 
fop is, that the fop values himself upon his dress ; and the man 
of sense laughs at it, at the same time that he knows he must not 
neglect it ; there are a thousand foolish customs of this kind, which 
not being criminal must be complied with, and even cheerfully by 
men of sense. Diogenes the cynic was a wise man for despising 
them, but a fool for showing it. Be wiser than other people if 
you can, but do not tell them so. 

Inattention. 

There is no surer sign in the world of a little, weak mind, than 
inattention. Whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well ; and 
nothing can be done well without attention.* It is the sure answer 
of a fool, when you ask him about anything that was said or done, 
where he was present, that " truly he did not mind it." And why 
did not the fool mind it ? What had he else to do there, but to 
mind what was doing? A man of sense sees, hears and retains 
everything that passes where he is. I desire I may never hear you 
talk of not minding, nor complaining, as most fools do, of a treach- 
erous memory. Mind, not only what people say, but how they say 
it ; and, if you have any sagacity, you may discover more truth 
by your eyes than by your cars. People can say what they will, but 
they cannot look what they will, ami their looks frequently dis- 
cover what their words are calculated to conceal. The most 
material knowledge of all — 1 mean the knowledge of the world- 
is not to !).• acquired without great attention. 

Women.- Classes of Men.— Judgment; 

Before it in wry long; I am of opinion that you will both think 
and speak more favorably of women than yon do now. You 
to think that, from Eve downwards, they have done a great deal of 
mischi for that lady, [give lier up to you; but, since her 

time, history \\ill inform you, that nun have done much more 



chesterfield's maxims, etc. 105 

mischief in the world than women ; and, to say the truth, I- would 
not advise you to trust either, more than is absolutely necessary. 
But this 1 will advise you to, which is, never to attack whole 
bodies of any kind ; for, besides that all general rules have their 
exceptions, you unnecessarily make yourself a great number of 
enemies, by attacking a corps collectively. Among women, as among 
men, there are good as well as bad, and it may be full as many, or 
more, goad than among men. This rule holds as to lawyers, 
soldiers, parsons, courtiers, citizens, etc. They are all men, subject 
to the same passions and sentiments, differing only in the manner, 
according to their several educations ; and it would be as imprudent 
as unjust to attack any of them by the lump. Individuals forgive 
sometimes ; but bodies and societies never do. Many young people 
think it very genteel and witty to abuse the clergy ; in which they 
are extremely mistaken ; since, in my opinion, parsons are very 
like other men, and neither the better nor the worse for wearing a 
black gown. All general reflections, upon nations and societies, 
are the trite, threadbare jokes of those who set up for wit without 
having any, aud so have recourse to commonplace. Judge of 
individuals from your own knowledge of them, and not from their 
sex, profession or denomination. 

False Delicacy. 

As for the mauvaise honte, I hope you are above it ; your figure 
is like other people's, I hope you will take care that your dress is so 
too. Why then should you be ashamed ? Why not go into mixed 
company with as little concern as you would into your own 
room. 

The Well-bred Man. 

Feels himself firm and easy in all companies ; is modest without 
being bashful, and steady without being impudent ; if he is a 
stranger he observes, with care, the manners and ways of the peo- 
ple the most esteemed at that place, and conforms to them with 

5* 



106 chesterfield's maxims, etc. 

complaisance. Instead of finding fault with the customs of that 
place, and telling the people that the English ones are a thousand 
times better (as my countrymen are very apt to do), he commends 
their table, their dress, their houses, and their manners, a little 
more, it may be, than he really thinks they deserve* But this 
degree of complaisance is neither criminal nor abject ; and is but a 
small price to pay for the good will and affection of the people you 
converse with. As the generality of people are weak enough to 
be pleased with these little things, those who refuse to please them, 
so cheaply, are, in my mind, weaker than they. 

Foolish Talk. 

The conversation of the ignorant is no conversation, and gives 
even them no pleasure ; they tire of their own sterility, and have 
not matter enough to furnish them with words to keep up a con- 
versation. 

World Knowledge. 

Do not imagine that the knowledge winch I so much recommend 
to you is confined to books, pleasing, useful, and necessary as that 
knowledge is ; but I comprehend in it the great knowledge of the 
world, still more necessary than that of books. In truth, they 
assist one another reciprocally; and no man will have either 
perfectly, who has not both. The knowledge of the world is only 
to be acquired in the world, aud not in a closet. Books alone will 
never teach it you ; but they will suggest many things to your 
observation, which might otherwise escape you ; and your own 
observations upon mankind, when compared with those which you 
will find in books, will help you to fix the true point. 

Introspection. 

You must look into people, as well as at them. Almost all peo- 
ple are born with all the pussions, to a certain degree ; but almost 
every man has a prevailing one, to which the others are subordin- 



chesterfield's maxims, etc. 107 

ate. Search every one for that ruling passion; pry into the 
recesses of his heart, and observe the different workings of the 
same passion in different people. And, when you have found out 
the prevailing passion of any man, remember never to trust him, 
where that passion is concerned. Work upon him by it, if you 
please : but be upon your guard yourself against it, whatever pro- 
fessions he may make you. 

Insults and Injuries. 

However frivolous a company may be, still, while you are among 
them, do not show them, by your inattention, that you think them 
so ; but rather take their tone, and conform in some- degree to 
their weakness, instead of manifesting your contempt for them. 
There is nothing that people bear more impatiently, or forgive less, 
than contempt : and an injury is much sooner forgotten than an 
insult. 

Fashionable Vices. 

A real man of fashion and pleasure observes decency ; at least, 
neither borrows nor affects vices ; and if he unfortunately has any, 
he gratifies them with choice, delicacy and secrecy. I have not 
mentioned the pleasures of the mind (which are the solid and per- 
manent ones), because they do not come under the head of what 
people commonly call pleasures ; which they seem to confine to 
the senses. The pleasures of virtue, of charity, and of learning 
is true and lasting pleasure - f which I hope you will be well and 
long acquainted with. 

One Thing at a Time. 

If at a ball, a supper, or a party of pleasure, a man were to be 
solving, in his own mind, a problem in Euclid, he would be a very 
bad companion, and make a very poor figure in that company ; or 
if, in studying a problem in his closet, he were to think of a min- 
uet, I am apt to believe that he would make a very poor mathema- 



108 chesterfield's Maxims, etc. 

tician. There is time enough for everything, in the course of the 
day, if you do but one thing at once ; but there is not time enough 
in the year, if you will do two things at a time. 

Personal Cleanliness. 

As you must attend to your manners, so you must not neglect 
your person ; but take care to be very clean, well dressed, and 
genteel ; to have no disagreeable attitudes, nor awkward tricks ; 
which many people use themselves to, and then cannot leave them 
off. Do you take care to keep your teeth very clean, by washing 
them constantly every morning, and after every meal ? This is 
very necessary, both to preserve your teeth a great while, and to 
save you a great deal of pain. Do you dress well, and not too well ? 
Do you consider your air and manner of presenting yourself, 
enough, and not too much ? neither negligent nor stiff. All these 
things deserve a degree of care, a second-rate attention ; they give 
an additional lustre to real merit. My Lord Bacon says, that a 
pleasing figure is a perpetual letter of recommendation. It is cer- 
tainly an agreeable forerunner of merit, and smooths the way for 
it. 

Truth. 

Every man seeks for truth ; but God only knows who has found 
it. It is, therefore, as unjust to persecute, as it is absurd to ridi- 
cule, people for those several opinions, which they cannot help 
entertaining upon the conviction of their reason. 

Cioocl Breeding. 

Civility, which is a disposition to accommodate and oblige others, 

lentially the same in every country; but good breeding, as it 

is called, which is the manner of exerting that disposition, is dif- 

fi rent in almost < very country, and merely local; and every man 

ad conforms to that local good breeding of the 

which he teat A conformity and flexibility of manners is 



chestebfield's maxims, etc. 109 

necessary in the course of the world ; that is, with regard to all 
things which are not wrong in themselves The versatile ingenium 
is the most useful of all. It can turn itself instantly from one 
object to another, assuming the proper manner for each. It can 
be serious with the grave, cheerful with the gay, and trifling with 
the frivolous. Endeavor, by all means, to acquire this talent, for 
it is a very great one. 

Self-Love. 

Do not let your vanity and self-love make you suppose that people 
become your friends at first sight, or even upon a short acquaint- 
ance. Real friendship is a slow grower ; and never thrives, unless 
engrafted upon^a Stock of known and reciprocal merit. The next 
thing to the choice of your friends is the choice of your company. 
Endeavor, as much as you can, to keep company with people above 
you. There you rise, as much as you sink with people below you ; - 
for, as I mentioned before, you are whatever the company you 
keep is. Do not mistake, when I say company above you, and 
think that I mean with regard to their birth ; that is the least con- 
sideration ; but I mean with regard to their merit, and the light in 
which the world considers them. 

Good Company. 

There are two sorts of good company : one, which is called the 
beau monde, and consists of those people who have the lead in 
courts, and in the gay part of life ; the other consists of those who 
are distinguished by some peculiar merit, or who excel in some 
particular and valuable art or science. For my own part, I used 
to think myself in company as much above me, when I was wdth 
Mr. Addison and Mr. Pope, as if I had been with all the princes 
in Europe. What I mean by low company, which should by all 
means be avoided, is the company of those w T ho, absolutely insig- 
nificant and contemptible in themselves, think they are honored by 



110 chesterfield's maxims, etc. 



being in your company, and who flatter every vice and every folly 
you have, in order to engage you to converse with them. The 
pride of being the first of the company is but too common ; but it 
is very silly, and very prejudicial. Nothing in the world lets down 
a character more than that wrong turn. 

Value of Time. 

I knew, once, a very covetous, sordid fellow, who used fre- 
quently to say, u Take care of the pence, for the pounds will take 
care of themselves." This was a just and sensible reflection in a 
miser. I recommend to you to take care of minutes ; for hours 
will take care of themselves. I am very sure, that many people 
lose two or three hours every clay, by not taking care of the min- 
utes. Never think any portion of time, whatsoever, too short to 
be employed ; something or other may always be done in it. 

Knowledge." 

Knowledge is a comfortable and necessary retreat and shelter 
for us in an advanced age ; and if we do not plant it while young, 
it will give us no shade when we grow old. 

Fashionable Ladies. 

The company of women of fashion will improve your manners, 
though not your understanding ; and that complaisance and polite- 
ness, which are so useful in men's company, can only be acquired 
in women's. 

Talent and Breeding. 

Remember always, what I have told you a thousand times, that 
all the talents in the world will want all their lustre, and some 
part of their use too, if they are not adorned with that easy good 
breeding, that engaging manner, and those graces which seduee 
and prepossess people in your favor at first sight. A proper care 
of your person is by no means to be neglected; always extremely 
clean; upon proper occasions, line. Your carriage genteel, and 






chesterfield's maxims, etc. Ill' 

your motions graceful. Take particular care of your manner and 
address, when you present yourself in company. Let them be 
respectful without meanness, easy without too much familiarity, 
genteel without affectation, and insinuating without any seeming 
art or design. 

How "to wear" Learning. 

Wear your learning like your watch, in a private pocket; and 
do not pull it out and strike it, merely to show that you have one. 
If you are asked what o'clock it is, tell it, but do not proclaim it 
hourly and unasked, like the watchman. 

Method and Manner. 

The manner of doing tilings is often more important than the 
things themst Ives ; and the very same thing may become either 
pleasing or offensive, by the manner of saying or doing it. Mate- 
riam superabat opus, is often said of works of sculpture, where 
though the materials were valuable, as silver, gold, etc., the work- 
manship was still more so. 

Advantage of Manners. 

Manners, though the last, and it may be the least ingredient of 
real merit, are, however, very far from being useless in its compo- 
sition ; they adorn, and give an additional force and lustre to both 
virtue and knowledge. They prepare and smooth the way for the 
progress of both ; and are, I fear, with the bulk of mankind, more 
engaging than either. Remember, then, the infinite advantage of 
manners ; cultivate and improve your own to the utmost : good 
sense will suggest the great rules to you, good company will do the 
rest. 

Proper Carriage. 

Next to graceful speaking, a genteel carriage, and a graceful 
manner of presenting yourself,' are extremely necessary, for they 
are extremely engaging ; and carelessness in these points is much 



112 chesterfield's maxims, etc. 



more unpardonable, in a young fellow, than affectation. It shows 
an offensive indifference about pleasing. Awkwardness of carri- 
age is very alienating ; and a total negligence of dress and air, is 
an impertinent insult upon custom and fashion. 

No One Contemptible. 

Be convinced that there are no persons so insignificant and 
inconsiderable, but may some time or other, and in some thing or 
other, have it in their pow T er to be of use to you ; which they cer- 
tainly will not, if you have once shown them contempt. 

The Folly of Contempt. 

Wrongs are often forgiven, but contempt never is. Our pride 
remembers it forever. It implies a discovery of weaknesses, which 
we are much more careful to conceal than crimes. Many a man 
will confess his crimes to a common friend, but I never knew a 
man who would tell his silly weaknesses to his most intimate one. 
As many a friend will tell us our faults without reserve, who will 
not so much as hint at our follies : that discovery is too mortifying 
to our self-love, either to tell another, or to be told of, one's self. 

.Les Attentions. 

The constant practice of what the French call Us attentions is a 
most necessary ingredient in the art of pleasing; they flatter the 
self-love of those to whom they are shown; they engage, they 
captivate, more than things of much greater importance. The 
duti s of social life every man is obliged to discharge; but thesa 
are voluntary acts, the free will off rings of good breed- 
id g i (1 ; ature ; they arc received, remembered, and ret; 
ten, Women, particularly, have a right to them; and any 
<>!:ii Bion, in that reap set, is downright ill breeding. 

Conversation. 

\Y1. pa iy, bring the c mversation 

ibject, but d i><n-L.- of that company. Points of history, 






chesterfield's maxims, etc. 113 

matters of literature, the customs of particular couutries, the 
several orders of knighthood, as Teutonic, Maltese, etc., are surely 
better subjects of conversation than the weather, drpss, or fiddle- 
faddle stories, that carry no information along with them. The 
characters of kings, and groat men, are only to be learned in con- 
versation ; for they are never fairly written during their lives. 

Historical Faith, 

Take nothing for granted, upon the bare authority of the author ; 
but weigh and consider, in your own mind, the probability of the 
facts, and the justness of the reflections. Consult different 
authors upon the same facts, and from your own opinion upon the 
greater or lesser degree of probability arising from the whole, 
which, in my mind, is the utmost stretch of historical faith, cer- 
tainty (I fear) not being to be found. 

Contempt. 

Every man is not ambitious, or covetous, or passionate ; but 
every man has pride enough in his composition to feel and resent 
the least slight and contempt. Remember, therefore, most care- 
fully to conceal your contempt, however just, wherever you would 
not make an implacable enemy. Men are much more unwilling 
to have their weakness and their imperfections known, than their 
crimes ; and, if you hint to a man, that you think him silly, ignor- 
ant, or even ill bred, or awkward, he will hate you more and longer 
than if you tell him, plainly, that you think him a rogue. Never 
yield to that temptation, which, to most young men, is very strong, 
of exposing other people's weaknesses and infirmities, for the sake 
t either of diverting the company, or of showing your own superior- 
ity. You may get the laugh on your side by it, for the present ; 
but you will make enemies by it forever ; and even those who 
laugh with you then, will, upon reflection, fear, and consequently 
hate you ; besides that, it is ill-natured ; and that a good heart 
desires rather to conceal, than expose, other people's weaknesses 



114 CHESTERFIELD^ MAXIMS, ETC. 

or misfortunes. If you have wit, use it to please, and not to hurt ; 
you may shine, like the sun in the temperate zones, without 
scorching. Here it is wished for ; under the line it is dreaded. 

Secrets. 

The last observation that I shall now mention of the Cardinal's 
is, " That a secret is more easily kept by a good many people, than 
one commonly imagines." By this, he means a secret of import- 
ance, among people interested in the keeping of it. And it is cer- 
tain that people of business know the importance of secrecy, and 
will observe it, where they are concerned in the event. To go and 
tell any friend, wife or mistress, any secret with which they have 
nothing to do, is discovering to them such an unretentive weakness, 
as must convince them that you will tell it to twenty others, and 
consequently that they may reveal it without the risk of being dis- 
covered. But a secret properly communicated, only to those who 
are to be concerned in the thing in question, will probably be kept 
by them, though they should be a good many. Little secrets are 
commonly told again, but great ones generally kept. 

Good Company. 

To keep good company, especially at your first setting out, is the 
way to receive good impressions. If you ask me what I mean by 
good company, I will confess to you, that it is pretty difficult to 
define ; but I will endeavor to make you understand it as well as I 
can. 

Good company is not what respective sets of company are pleased 
either to call or think themselves ; but it is that company which 
all the people of tin? place call, and acknowledge to be, good com- 
pany, notwithstanding sonic objections which they may form to 
some of the individuals who compose it. It consists chiefly (but 
by DO means without exception; of people of considerable birth, 
rank and character : for people of neither birth nor rank arc fre- 
quently and very justly admitted into it, if distinguished by any 



chesterfield's maxims, etc. 115 

peculiar merit, or eminency in any liberal art or science. Nay, so 
motley a thing is good company, that many people, without birth, 
rank or merit, intrude into it by their own forwardness, and 
others slide into it by the protection of some considerable person ; 
and some even of indifferent characters and morals make part of 
it. But, in the main, the good part preponderates, and people of 
infamous and blasted characters are never admitted. In this 
fashionable good company the best manners and the best language 
of the place are most unquestionably to be learnt ; for they estab- 
lish, and give the tone to both, which are therefore called the lan- 
guage and manners of good company, there being no legal tribunal 
to ascertain either. 

A company consisting wholly of people of the first quality can- 
not, for that reason, be called good company, in the common ac- 
ceptation of the phrase, unless they are, into the bargain, the 
fashionable and accredited company of the place ; for people of 
the very best quality can be as silly, as ill-bred, and as worthless, 
as people of the meanest degree. On the other hand, a company 
consisting entirely of people of very low condition, whatever their 
merit cr parts may be, can never be called good company ; and 
consequently should not be much frequented, though by no means 
despised. 

A company wholly composed of men of learning, though 
greatly to be valued and respected, is not meant by the words 
good company : they cannot have the easy manners and toumure 
of the world, as they do not live in it. If you can bear your part 
well in such a company, it is extremely right to be in it some- 
times, and you will be but more esteemed, in other companies, for 
having a place in that. But then do not let it engross you ; for if 
you do, you will be only considered as one of the litter uti by pro- 
fession ; which is not the way either £b shine or rise in the world. 

The company of professed wits and poets is extremely inviting 
to most young men ; who if they have wit themselves, are pleased 



116 

with it, and if they have none, are sillily proud of being one of it : 
but it should be frequented with moderation and judgment, and 
you should by no means give yourself up to it. A wit is a very 
unpopular denomination, as it carries terror along with it ; and 
people in general are as much afraid of a live wit, in company, as 
a woman is'of a gun, which she thinks may go off of itself and 
do her a mischief. Their acquaintance is, however, worth seeking, 
and their company worth frequenting ; but not exclusively of 
others, nor to such a degree as to be considered only as one of that 
particular set. 

But the company, which of all others you should most carefully 
avoid, is that low company, which, in every sense of the word, is 
low indeed; low in rank, low in parts, low in manners, and low in 
merit. 

Behavior. 

Imitate, then, with discernment and judgment, the real perfec- 
tions of the good company into which you may get ; cop) r their 
politeness, their carriage, their address, and the easy and well-bred 
turn of their conversation ; but remember, that, let them shine 
ever so bright, their vices, if they have any, are so many spots, 
which you would no more imitate than you would make an arti- 
ficial wart upon your face, because some very handsome man had 
the misfortune to have a natural one upon his; but, on the con- 
trary, think how much handsomer he would have been without it. 

Talking. 

Talk often, but never long; in that case, if you do not ph 
.•it least you are sure not to tire your hearers. Pay your own 
ffling, but do not treat the whole company ; this being one of 
the very few cases in which people do not care to be treated, 1c very 

one being fully convinced that he has wherewithal to pay. 



INDEX. 



PAGE. 

Absent-mindedness 19 

Actions, improper 64 

Advice, giving 20 

to the shy 59 

Affectation 17 

Apology 62 

Arrangements, f nneral 09 

Attentions from gentlemen 34 

Attitudes, improper 59 

Baldness 71, 80 

Balls ! 26 

choosing guests for 26 

escort at 27 

engaging pai tners 28 

etiquette after 24, 29 

successful 26 

preparations for 27 

receiving guests 27 

refreshments 27 

rules iov conduct 28 

Bad temper 60 

Bandoline 76 

Beard, the 72 

Beauty and health 70 

Behavior at table 30 

Betting at Cards 64 

Births 69 

Black Silk, to choose 88 

Books, borrowed 63 

Boots, waterproof 81 

Kid, to clean 83 

Bow, the 14 

the first to 32 

Bragging 59 

Bridal customs 66 

Bride, dress of 66 

Bridegroom, dress of 66 

Brid esmaids, dress of 66 

Burns 77 

Burnt shoes 87 

Calls 21 

country 23 

evening 21 



PAGE. 

Calls, first 24 

morning 21 

on the sick 24 

rules for 22 

■wedding 23 

Callers, receiving 21 

Cards, betting at 64 

cheating at 60 

turning corner of 21 

visiting 21-23 

wedding 23 

Carriage, alighting from 38 

seat of honor in S8 

Cars, seats in S6 

stree-t 37 

Chapped hands 79 

lips 80 

Children, naming 69 

Chilblains 76 

Christenings 69 

Church weddings 66 

Cleanliness 70 

Colds, remedy for 85 

Cold Cream 75 

Cologne 80 

Company, reading in 60 

saluting a 62 

whispering in 62 

Complexion, to improve 78 

Conduct, at fairs 44 

at church 41 

at opera 42 

at art galleries 43 

at studios 44 

• to ladies 49 

to gentlemen 50 

Confidence 61 

Conversation . . 16 

affectation in 17 

display in 17 

hobbies in 20 

political 18 

religious 18 

scandal in 19 

Corners, standing on 33 



118 



INDEX. 



PAGE. 

Corns 80 

Courtship, conduct during 50 

Croup 85 

Cut, the 12 

Dancing 23, 26 

Deaths 69 

Dinrer, after 81 

first course 30 

invitation 29 

parties 26, 29 

serving 30 

time for 29 

Dinner etiquette 30 

precedence at 30 

Dress TO 

bride's 66 

bridegroom's 66 

bridesmaids' 66 

Duty, to ladies 35 

«• Engaged " 22 

Engagements v 53 

broken 54 

quarrels during 54 

Escort duty 27 

Etiquette, at church 41 

at art galleries 43 

at fairs 44 

at operas 42 

at studio 44 

at hotels 38 

at table 55 

driving 35 

entering doors 33 

in cars 37 

in ferryboats 37 

in traveling 36 

in walking 33 

in the saddle 40 

DO steamboats 38 

of letter writing 45 

of the stairs 33 

of riding 35 

Byes, care of 71 

Familiarity 62 

Fault (lading 19 

Favors, asking 6i 



PAGE. 

Feet, the 72 

Fees, marriage 68 

Felon, to cure 84 

Fidgets 61 

Flirtations 34, 53 

Foot, perfect 72 

Forethought 39 

Freckles 75 

Funerals. . 69 

after 70 

etiquette at 70 

flowers at 70 

invitations to 69 

Furs, to pack 89 

Gallantry 61 

Gloves, to clean 81 

removing 15 

Groomsman's duties 67 

Guests, choice of 26 

introduction of 11 

number of 26, 29 

receiving 27 

Gums, to clean 80 

Hair, care of . 71 

falling off 76 

gray 79 

to curl 70, 90 

to beautify 79 

false 89 

Hair curling fluid 76 

Hands, care of 72 

chapped 77 

to soften 79 

Handshaking 15 

Ilat,the 24, 61 

disposal 24 

Heels, high 73 

Home 59 

Horseback riding 39 

Hospitality 25 

display 25 

Hypocrisy 59 

Illness, calls during 23 

Improper actions, etc 64 

Impatience 01 

Ink Spots 






INDEX. 



119 



PAGE. 

Intruding 62 

Introductions 9 

by note 12 

conduct after 11 

how made 9 

in the street 12 

recognition after 11 

unavoidable 11 

Introducing persons of distinc- 
tion 11 

relatives 10 

rules for 9, 11 

Invitations, accepting 29 

declining 29 

general 24 

to funerals 69 

Jewelry, to clean 82 

Jokes 63 

KidBoo% burnt 87 

Gloves, to clean 81 

Kiss, the 15 

Laces, to wash 89 

Ladies, conduct to 35 

Leave-taking 25 

Letters of business 46 

of declaration 51 

family 46 

of friendship 45 

of introduction 12 

of invitation 29 

of love .' 47 

of sympathy 47 

Letter writing , 47 

Liftingthe hat 12 

Linen, to whiten 86 

Lip-salve 77 

Lips, chapped 80 

Lover's quarrels 54 

Lunch 56 

Making presents 57 

Marriage fees 68 

proposals 51 

Maxim*, Chesterfield's 100 

Washington's 91 

Mildew, to remove 84 



PAGE. 

Mode of salutation 14 

Moderation in speaking 59 

Morning calls 21 

Moths, protection from 86, 90 

Nails, care of 72 

ingrowing 84 

Naming children e9 

Napkins 31 

New friends, making 34 

"No," a lady's 51-52 

" Not at home," 22 

Notification of death 69 

Nubia, to wash a 88 

Opinions, political 18 

religious 18 

Outfit, wedding 66 

Ox-Marrow Pomade 81 

Paint, to remove 87 

Parties, dinner 26 

Partners, engaging 28 

Patent-leather boots 83 

Pimples, to remove 79 

Pitch, to remove 87 

Pleasing others 62 

Politeness, street 32 

Pomade for baldness 80 

to make 81 

Presents, making 57 

receiving 57 

Privacy 61 

Private affairs 17, 19 

Promises, keeping 63 

Proposals : 50-51 

Punctuality 61 

Questions, asking 19 

Receiving favors 61 

Reception, wedding 63 

Recognition 11 

Refusals 52 

Rejected Suitor 52 

Relations, introducing 10 

Ribbons, to clean 87 

Riding, courtesies in 35 

etiquette of 35 

horseback 38 



120 



INDEX. 



PAGE. 

Riding in carriage 33 

pace of 40 

Ring, the engagement 53 

to remove 82 

wedding 67 

Rose-water 77 

Rules, miscellaneous 5S 

Salutations 13, 62 

Seat of honor 22, 38 

retaining 36 

Shaking hands 15 

Shoes, burnt 87 

Shyness 59 

Silks, to clean 87 

spots on 83 

to choose 88 

Silver, to clean 83 

Singing in society 60 

Skin, discoloration 75 

roughness of 78 

Slight, a 12 

Smoking 37 

Soup 30 

Spots, grease 83 

Stains, fruit 85 

0!i cotton 8 j 

on silk 86 

Stairs, up and down 33 

Sticking plaster 77 

Stopper, to remove 82 

Strangers, calling on 24 

introducing 10-12 

Street, conduct in B4 

Suitor, rejected 52 

Sunburn, to remove 75 

Supper, bail 27 

Sympathy for others 19, 5S 

Tabic etiquette 55 

politeness at 55 

roles for conduct at ^ 

Tan, to remove 79 

to remove s: 

ii, care of 71 

to clean 80 

Things not to do ls-10, 60 

Title.-,, bestowing 11 



PAGE. 

Tobacco chewing 60 

Toilette recipes 74 

Toothache, preventive 84 

Topics, to avoid 18 

Traveling 35 

gentleman's duty 35 

lady's duty 36 

ladies alone 36 

Trousseau, trie 66 

True hospitality 25 

Undertaker 69 

Unsought advice 29 

Visit, ending a , 25 

limited ' 24 

Visits of condolence 24 

Visiting cards 21, 23 

turning corner of 21 

Visitor, duties of 25 

departure of 25 

receiving 21, 25 

Washington's maxims 91 

Waterproofing boots 81 

Wedding, at church 67 

calls 23 

day 66 

dress 66 

etiquette 66 

outfit 66 

parties 68 

reception 68 

ring : 67 

the ehina 97 

the crystal 97 

the diamond 97 

the golden •.<: 

the paper ( . 6 

the silver.. 97 

the tin 96 

the wooden 96 

Wedding Anniversaries 96 

Whispering in company 63 

Wit is 

Woolens, to clean 

Wrinkles, to remove 75 

Young people cs 



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